Renewal?

I’m still working through my New York and 9/11 stuff.  Its a work in progress for sure.

But my new job has been a good distraction and focus point for the moment.  Tonight was my second night of training on night audit.  I did nearly all of it on my own.  Stephanie (the girl training me) said I did a good job and she was impressed with how quickly I picked everything up.  I didn’t tell her that I didn’t pick much up, I just figured out how to find the answers.  It took me incredibly longer than it would have taken her, but she said that didn’t matter and would come with time.  And she’s right.  And I suppose I didn’t really ask that many questions.  I did just work through it all and eventually figure out what I needed.  Almost all of it at least.  There was one typo (boo!) which made the balance off by about 2 cents.  But easily fixed.  And one section that I could not figure out for the life of me.  But I suppose thats not really all that bad.  I’m still incredibly nervous about doing it on my own.  So I emailed my AGM and asked her if I could add on an additional night of training.  I checked with Stephanie first, and she’s perfectly okay with it.

Driving into work tonight, I realized how much I missed oboe.  And how frustrated I am with church.  I’ve been too busy or too stressed lately to really address it.  But now I have a 20-minute commute to think and sort and contemplate.  Which is both good and bad.  I feel very disconnected from worshiping and my faith.  There is a part of me that knows this is just the natural ebb and flow of faith.  Some days you’re on top of the world and some days I just go through the motions.  But I’m really finding it more and more difficult to worship; to let go of it all and really truly worship.  I don’t know how to recapture that feeling.  I don’t know how to tap back into that renewing refreshing feeling that I used to get.  I’m just not sure.  There’s a part of me that sometimes feels like I’m over-thinking everything.  That it should be easier, simpler.  Something.

And now I’m getting pretty tired, so thats all I’m gonna say for right now.  I really need some sleep!