Perceptions of tragedy

I was talking the other day to this girl I know in TX. She’s lived there all her life. We happen to be discussing NYC and 911 of all things. She was trying to tell me that we were both affected the same way.

It really hit me. That no one can understand what any one else when through on that day. I can remember excatly where I was when the first annoucements came in. And I can remember catching a glimpse of a TV showing the crash. I remember climbing the hill by the river and watching this thick column of smoke rise from the city. I remember a kid in my class losing cell phone contact with his dad as the second tower fell. There are so many little things I remember and I’ll probably remember forever.

I remember the day of the Columbine shooting. I was home sick and I saw it on the news. I remember panicking thinking my friends were in danger as well. I remember watching the news broadcasts all day long, praying for everything to be ok.

Columbine was halfway across the country. I knew a guy who lived about 20 minutes from the school, but went to a private Christian school. That’s about the closest I get to Columbine. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to be in Colorado, let alone in Columbine. It didn’t affect me the way it affected those closer. The aftermath was different too. There weren’t memorials to go to, or burials. The only aftermath I had was the hit list that went out with my name on it. I lived in complete and utter fear for a whole week. They caught the girl. I still shudder when I see her.

The World Trade Center’s collapse was different for me. Its only about 50 miles from my house. The plane flew right over my town on its way to NYC. I had friends and family of friends who were in the Towers, or who worked in the NYFD and NYPD. I can see the gap the towers left from a hill not 20 minutes from my house. I can’t even begin to describe all the “aftermath” in my life. Physically the city has changed, emotionally I’ve changed, economically the state is in an upheavel, psychologically I’ve gone crazy. I can’t even explain all of it. Life in New York has been completely altered by that day. Just like life in PA and Wash., D.C. has changed.

I’m not going to downplay the affect 911 had on the rest of the country (like my friend in TX) because that is their perception and their life. The perception of my friend’s father as he watched the towers fall outside his office is different than my perception from school.

I guess these are incidents where I feel very alone. I can’t seem to relate to anyone. Not with the people in Columbine, or other kids in my school. Not with the firefighters and survivors of the Towers, nor with the survivors of the Pentagon, nor with people out in PA or with people in TX and CA.

Maybe I’m just being lonerish. But its really hard to accept that a girl out in TX who has never left the state can know how I feel about the WTC. I don’t like hearing that she thinks she knows excatly what it feels like.

Just gets me upset.