orchestral tear cash flow

So now its Weds.

Yesterday was….interesting. This whole damn week has been interesting. So yesterday was classes, which I mostly paid attention to. I’m slightly behind on my Philosophy readings, but everything else is ok. I practiced oboe and piano in the afternoon. Joe called around 3:45 and we made plans to have coffee at Perkins. It was good to talk to him, about CK about me about life. It was really good to talk and get things out with someone. We talked for about an hour and I’m really glad. He’s like a favorite uncle or something. I love him to death. After that I went to church to get ready for Sunday. I took my computer and ended up talking with Cassie for a while. She mentioned that she and CK were suppose to do some work on their play, which means he’s still at work. I don’t know how much longer he’ll be there, but I half feel like finding a pay phone and making an anonymous call to the school or the local paper. But I’m restraining myself. With all the security they have at schools and even at papers, they might find out it was me. There doesn’t need to be more drama. I’m a little angry with Cassie for being so blind. But Mom said that Cassie probably doesn’t have many friends around here and CK is a smooth talker. He might have her believing its not as bad as it really is. Even so, I’m still upset with her. I practiced and made some decisions and started to leave. Some people were in CK’s old office with the new bell director, Bob W. He’s older and he’s not from our church. But he used to direct another local bell choir and he knew our “founding bell mom” so he’s offered to step in and help us. He will be (is) a big change from Charles, so its going to be an interesting transition. I spoke with Jim R. for a few minutes too. I asked him is CIA was still meeting on Weds with Lois and he said yes. I told him I was thinking about going and he said it might be a good idea. We talked for a few more minutes and then it really started to bear into me, so I said good night and came home. I didn’t study, which wasn’t a really big deal, but I’m starting to really need to take care of some things this weekend. This easy and carefree weekend.

Today was a bit better. I got up and went to school, late but I went. I was going to skip out, but I decided I really needed to just get in my car and go. Macro was fine, although I kept spacing out and having a really hard time concentrating on everything. My study group is meeting on Friday at 9 in the morning. I’m not pleased with the time. Its early, but it will get me out of bed and started on something that is not CK related. My mom and I are planning to go out to lunch, but I don’t know about that. She and I have both caught my father’s cold, so we’ll see. After Macro, I went to get coffee out of the machine and I won a free coffee from the machine somehow. So that was a little silver in my black clouds. I have to say that my English prof is the coolest in the world because he can keep my attention even admist all of this. He is really quite smart and interesting. He handed back our 2/3s exams at the end of class and I completely aced it. I ACED AN EXAM! Sure I’ve gotten good grades, but to ace one of his exams felt really good. And I know it wasn’t a pity grade or anything cause as far as I know he doesn’t know anything about CK. It just felt really good. I came home and got something to eat and took some medicine to combat the oncoming cold. After Elaena, I practiced more and studied some. Mom came home around 4pm because she was feeling her cold. We talked a little before I left for CIA. I got there before Lois, but she and I talked for a little while before the “kids” starting arriving. I asked her how she was, and she gave a Lois answer. “So busy, but fine.” She kind of amazes me and annoys me at the same time. She’s very high strung, but almost in a good way. She told me they were studying Romans and her plan was to see how the kids felt. She didn’t want to force them to talk, but she also didn’t want to force them to study. She was going to play it by ear and I told her I would just follow her lead. Lisa (Eric’s sister) showed up and came up and put her arm around my shoulders. She asked how I was and I asked how she was. She said her mom was worried about me, which I thought was really sweet. I love that family so incredibly much. Then Eric (not my Eric different Eric), Erica, Bethany, Megan and Dan showed up too. Lois had said there might be a new guy showing up and if he did, she was going to try avoid talking about CK so as not to scare him away or talk above his head. No one else showed up, which I was slighty happy about. Erica and Lois had study books they were working out of. They were working through Romans. This week was Romans 7:7-25 which is about why people sin. It just happened to be the next study lesson in the book. We did the study and I was highly impressed with Erica and even Eric. Megan said a few things and Bethany pretty much kept her mouth shut, which I felt bad about. Dan said some very interesting things, as did Lisa. It was a good study. Lois left some time at the end for prayer requests, which turned the discussion towards Charles. Lois and I were very careful to let them be the ones to start that conversation because we didn’t want to force it on them.

Lisa and Erica are hurting quite a bit. I couldn’t read Dan, but I also don’t know him all that well. I think Eric wants someone to talk to, but Lois kind of shut him and Megan out a little bit. Lisa brought up the summer trip to Australia, which doesn’t really effect Eric and Megan. But I also know that Lisa really needed to talk about it. Dan brought up the senior profiles that CK usually does for the “graduating” class of bell ringers each way. I think she’s realizing how much her senior is going to not be like she expected. Lois tried to put a happy spin on it, which is understandable but totally not what they needed. Lisa kept saying they wouldn’t get this back and Lois kept telling her it would be ok. But I know what Lisa meant. She had worked so hard be at this point in her life when she should be enjoying it all. It won’t be the way it should be. This is her senior year and she’ll never get it back. Lois doesn’t understand that feeling because her senior year was fine. There is nothing like your senior year of high school. It is the end of the begining and the beginning of the beginning. Its a scared moment in time that can not be relived or repeated. Lisa understood that and understood what she was losing. She was crying and Erica started crying too. I can’t believe I was still ok. After Lois prayed, I went down to the bathroom and Lisa walked down with me. I told her I knew what it was like to have your senior year changed in a moment. We talked a little bit more and I told her to call me if she wanted to talk. She said she was glad I had been there tonight, which made me feel good because I only want to help them through this the best I can. Lois has never been through something like this. I don’t have all the answers or even know excatly how to deal with all of this, but I have been through something like this.

After they all left, I went down to the choir room to practice for Sunday and ran into the play rehearsal. I sat for a while and watch