One Last Favor

So
A year’s time
And the pain isn’t gone
And the shock hasn’t worn off
This still seems so surreal
Daffodils of hope fill the church
At least there is hope in flowers
Cause there is none in my heart
You still haunt my dreams
Even when I’m awake, I still see you
Your mocking face
Laughing and stealing the candy
My favorite candy
And I was only trying to be nice
You were never really nice
But that wasn’t your style
Sweetness and apple pie
Rather you were mean gunk
the core and tough skin
that comes out after stress
But your impish smile
Would always wipe anger away
Would always get us both
An extra serving
You took a piece of me with you
Buried six feet into the cold earth
There was a reason for us
Two five-year-olds running the playground
Chasing you for a kiss
Even among the backbiting
We would still stick out our tongues
And make silly faces during the service
You grew older and colder
More distant and out of control
But even so I remember who you were
Who you were destined to be
I can recall clearly
How plastic you looked
The pain in your mother’s eyes
The surprise and love in your sister’s
And the hatred buried all these years
Reflected from your father
Admist the pain and mourning
You taught me a most important lesson
How to let go
How to mourn and be sad
And how to move on
The pain isn’t less real
And the shock echoes on
But I can get up in the morning
Without the hole in my chest
Taking every breath from my body
I can smile again
And not feel guilty
In that moment
Looking at the casket in front of me
I let go of you and so many others
It was closure not just from you
But from past deaths and sorrows
So I was wondering…
Can you die again
So I can get past this?
Can you force me to come to grips
And move on with my life?
Your greatest gift to me
Was your death
And the lesson learned at your casket
Some will think me morbid
But you will understand
Some will think me sick and twisted
You loved it like I do
So please do me this one last favor
And die again
Taking my pain and sorrow
Deep into the dirt with you
And let me live again
As the five-year-old girl
Who chased the five-year-old boy
For a kiss on the playground
Outside the church that was crumbling