narrow line, she can’t decide

Twelve in12

Reading: The Game of Kings ~ Dorothy Dunnett

Finished: Mirror, Mirror ~ Gregory Macguire

Witchling ~ Yasmine Galenorn

Changeling ~ Yasmine Galenorn

Something Wicked ~ Catherine Mulvany

Date:December 7, 2007Time:4:49 pmMood Level:NormalSeverity:NormalAnxiety:1=MildIrritability:0=NoneHours Slept:7 HoursMedication:150mg Lamictal

So I got a call today from my landlord. They have a girl who wants to move out of her apartment. Its a bad situation, where she’s living with her ex-boyfriend. I guess he’s a little insane and being a huge jerk. The landlord also told me he seems like a nice guy, but has a bit of a temper. The landlord said she’s a nice girl in a bad situation. I understand the being in a bad situation and wanting out. So I agreed to at least meet her and see how it goes. She seems like a nice girl. She has two cats and next to no furniture. Which would be okay, since I have so much stuff already. I’m not completely sure how I feel about sharing an apartment again. I’m not sure I want all my stuff to be crammed into my bedroom. I’m not sure I want to share my living space again. I really like living alone and having my space, my sanctuary. “Sanctuary… is a word which here means a small, safe place in a troubling world. Like an oasis in a vast desert or an island in a stormy sea.” ~ Lemony Snicket The ex-boyfriend worries me, more than anything. My apartment is my sanctuary. I’m safe here from all the drama. I’m worried that he’s going to come over and cause problems. The girl says as soon as she moves out she’s going to get an order of protection. Although she didn’t know that’s what it was called. My dad said if she does that, I should also be on the order. Whatever protection she gets, I get the same. But even with that, he could still show up and that means calling the cops….Drama. And not the usual drama, but serious problems drama. I’m just not sure. When she was here, I liked her well enough and she seemed to like me as well. But she’s also just 21, and while somewhat mature, she’s still just 21. I’ll be 24! I’m old and I like my system, my schedule, my ways. I like my sanctuary. I’ve had bad experiences, and I just met this girl and I don’t know. I’m being a yo-yo. I go back and forth. She has cats, two cats. Two! This apartment is small enough for two people, but two cats on top of that?! I’m just not sure it would work. But it would be nice to have someone to live with. It would be nice to have cats. Except I’m controlling and a little nuts. I like my sanctuary. And I like having control over who enters my sanctuary. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. But I feel bad for her. I know what its like to be in a bad situation and just want out. I know what its like to feel stuck and trapped. I would feel like such a hypocrite knowing what its like to be in that situation and not help her out. But well, I just don’t know!

She doesn’t look, she doesn’t see
Opens up for nobody
Figures out, she figures out
Narrow line, she can’t decide
Everything short of suicide
Never hurts, nearly works

Something is scratching
Its way out
Something you want
To forget about

A part of you that’ll never show
You’re the only one that’ll ever know
Take it back when it all began
Take your time, would you understand
What it’s all about?
What it’s all about?

Something is scratching
Its way out
Something you want
To forget about

No one expects
You to get up
All on your own with
No one around

Little House ~ The Fray