My Theme Song

Awww, the dogs aren’t biting. I got one majorly pissed of Londoner (or maybe she was just from England) who didn’t even bother to read all my entries. I remember within a few weeks after 9/11 other countries started saying that we deserved it. I remember slowly feeling like people were forgetting what had happened. I am sorry for what happened in London.

The point I was sarcastically and annoyingly trying to make was that it shouldn’t matter how many people die in a terrorist attack. Terrorists need to be stopped. Countries (including America) need to be more humanistic about the world. One American child killed in WTC shouldn’t matter more or less than one Iraqi child killed by Sadaam. Those countries who have the ability (for example the G8) need to band together and take out Sadaam, for humanities sake. Not because we want to control his oil. But because he kills the people he is suppose to protect.

If a country wants to have a monarchy, fine. If a country wants to have a theocracy, fine. Capitalist, communist – I don’t care. My problem comes in when the people the government is suppose to protect are dying. When the government is not protecting its citizens, whether because they are choosing to kill or because they are inable to do so, I think we as human beings have the duty, the responsibility to step in and help.

No, I don’t think the G8 should “invade” Africa and take over the governments. I think Tony Blair was on to something, with trying to build up the governments to be able to take care of its own citizens.

OK, I need to let this go, but I honestly really feel betrayed and pissed at the world. Four years ago, the world had our back. And even before we invaded Iraq (which I do not agree with) the world hated us.

I just got off the phone with Mike. And he made me realize something. I don’t like to be hated. People don’t have to like me, but I really don’t like being hated. It makes me feel worthless and worthless. I’m an American. I love being an American. Am I supposed to be ashamed of being an American? Am I supposed to be ashamed of being a girl? Am I supposed to be ashamed of my Scottish heritage? Am I supposed to be ashamed that I play oboe? Am I supposed to be ashamed that I love my parents?

I think that its crappy that I need to be ashamed of being a New Yorker. I’m proud of who I am. There are definitly things that New Yorkers have done that I am not proud of. There are definitly things that Americans have done that I am not proud of. But does the world expect me the carry the shame of my entire country? From the treatment of the Native Americans to the slavery in the South to the Unibomber? Am I supposed to carry the shame of my parents?

Its tough because I am a proud American and the world hates me for that. Whats worse is that I understand how they hate America.

*

But if they could look at me. If they could look at my everyday life, I am really no different than my Scottish cousin or my German aunt. We live, we work, we play, we sleep, we fuck, we die.

Shit
Nothing makes sense
So I won’t think about
I’ll go with the ignorance
Sleep, eat, fuck and flee
Four words that me
I am full of indifference

What do the old people teach us but how to die?
What do those hissy fits teach you except how to cry, pussy, cry?
Yeah the futile, the futile, it outweighs the beautiful.
Futile, the futile, it outweighs the beautiful.
Futile, the futile, the futile so

Taste
I have no taste
I don’t like these tiny portions
Or your artful abortions of sound
Sealed with a kiss
Slathered in the sauce sarcastic
So go choke on your irony.

What do the old people teach us but how to die?
What do those hissy fits teach you except how to cry, pussy, cry?
Yeah the futile, the futile, it outweighs the beautiful.
Futile, the futile, it outweighs the beautiful.
Futile, the futile, the futile so

I’m eating rat poison for dinner
Pull the cord from the phone
I am dining alone
Tonight, rat poison for dinner
So goodnight

Love!
I shall not love
Yet I’ll still sing about it
I hope it covers the ocean in slime
the drama and drool
I’m leaking the blood of a fool
I’m full of it, I’m full of it, I’m full

I’m eating rat poison for dinner
Pull the cord from the phone
I am dining alone
Tonight, rat poison for dinner
pull the chord from the phone
I am dining alone, tonight
Oh I am dining alone, tonight
Tonight. Tonight.

Futile ~ Say Anything