My Created Facades

I want to write words
Pushing out the emotions
I feel inside
Describing my pain with words
But what the hell are words
Lines looped together
with crosses and dots
ink scribbled on paper
dried up as my heart
i don’t even have tears
to wash away my pain
and what the hell is pain
tightening of my chest
pounding in my head
prick on my arm
did you cause all this
each scar on my wrist
i won’t let you see
how you hurt me
either my arms or heart
what is my heart
just a muscle in my chest
pumping life through me
four chambers with doors
like the four elemets
working together in harmony
to create a bodily symphony
making music
and what is music
noise pretending to be beautiful
like moths pretending to be butterflies
like rain pretending to be rainbows
full of color and sunshine
Wrapping the world in their smiles
But my smile is gone
behind the cloud that rains on my parade
parades of celebration and tradition
following the leader through town
would you follow me when I left
what if i disappeared into the night
no ink on the paper to warn you
to let you know where i went
i’m so glad i was your release
something you laid
before screwing the world
you can’t see how you’re screwing me
driving down the highway
are you running away
do i even believe what you say
you left me alone with them
with cigarettes and alcohol
telling me to behave and sleep
you jinxed me into insomniac misbehavior
i hope thats what you wanted
cause what i want doesn’t matter
and i’ll still be here when you return
when you decide to come back
when you decide you want me again
i’m a sucker for love
and i need the illusion you make
Too bad there are no lies to blame
only my own deceptions
created to make me smile
when you reject me and leave
i’m not mad at you for leaving
i’m mad at me for caring
I’m mad at me for needing
This always happens to me
No matter how hard I fight it
I refuse to need anybody
I brace myself against it all
But the enivitable happens
And the time you aren’t there
Is the time I really need you
Even after I promised me
I would never need you again
If I stand on my porch
And curse your name to the stars
It won’t matter it doesn’t help
Cause you are still not here
And I still miss you so