Looking for a Release

You think you get over things, but you really don’t. And simple trips down memory lane, bring back a lot of emotions you don’t realize you have. I’m searching for a way to release all of this. Maybe this is the way to do it. Maybe its not. But its what I’m going to do. Cause I can’t do nothing right now. I don’t expect anything back.

I’m not sure what excatly I’m expecting here. Maybe closure, maybe one last final fight to get out everything. Maybe I really just need to release it all. I’ve been trying to fool myself into thinking I don’t care anymore. But I obviously care enough to be angry.

This is a watered-down version of what I originally wrote.

We had some good times together. Its been a trip.

But its over now. My fault, your fault, who cares?

We both made mistakes. Too bad you can’t admit yours. I don’t think you even know the mistakes you made. And honestly right now I don’t think you even care at all. Some people think we’re no longer friends because of a guy. But it is so much more than that. What happened before and after that opened my eyes so much.

You have never had the right to tell me how I feel or what I think. I never did that to you. You use to know me well enough to know that, but you don’t anymore. And you don’t have the right to psychoanalyze me and tell me how to run my life. I have a real therapist now for that.

I could tell you how to act and how to run your life. I could tell you all this crap but it won’t do any good cause you won’t change or grow up and I hate it when people tell me. But if I could tell you, this is how it would sound.

You are a selfish, self-centered bitch.

Your family is not the source for all of your problems. There comes a point when you have to grow up and accept responsibility for your own actions and your own decisions. Quit blaming your parents and your family for the way you are. Don’t like it? Do something about it. Change yourself, cause you sure as hell can’t change them. And remember, there are worse things they could do.

Open your pretty blue eyes and take a look at the world around you. You have problems. I get that, but so does every other person in the world. You wanna complain and bitch about them, thats fine too. But you don’t do anything to make it better. You just make it worse.

After all that, everything that had happened, I realize that I can’t trust you. I see this pattern and I don’t need it. I miss what we had before. It was good then. But I’ve changed and you’ve changed. Time to go seperate ways. I could make stupid, petty guesses about how you’ll end up. But no one knows the future, so I won’t.

Like I told someone once, “Only change your mind, when her actions change.”

Break my trust once, shame on you; Break my trust twice, shame on me.