Loneliness of a different kind

I’m lonely and no one really gets it. Its not that I’m missing any one special or that there is someone who I really want to talk to or hang out with. I just miss being part of something, and being for something. I can’t be for me. It’s just not who I am. And I have spent two years trying to be for me, and I can’t keep doing that. I look at my friends from high school, who are now at college and moving forward with their lives. They have their friends there, their gangs. They have things they work on and groups of people who work and play together. They are for something. Something which ties them to other people. I don’t have that. Most of my friends are either deadbeats who are going nowwhere fast, or adults who already have their lives and their goals. And I am the only college age person in my church. The rest of my friends either went away to college or have stopped coming to church.
This is a different kind of loneliness than what most people think. It’s a deeper feeling of being alone. No one to call or spend time with. This is the kind that drives people to the edge. So busy they don’t have time for anything amusing. These are the people who work so hard they forget how to laugh. I’ve forgotten how to smile and that really scares me. I just need my gang.
Desperatly