like a warm drink it seeps into my soul

Twelve in12

Reading
Queen’s Play ~ Dorothy Dunnett
Pride and Prejudice ~ Jane Austen
Uther ~ Jack Whyte

Finished
Mirror, Mirror ~ Gregory Macguire
Witchling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Changeling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Something Wicked ~ Catherine Mulvany
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ~ J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ~ J.K. Rowling
Myst: Book of Atrus ~ Rand Miller, Robyn Miller and David Wingrove
The Game of Kings ~ Dorothy Dunnett
The Other Boleyn Girl ~ Philippa Gregory

Its so strange to return home, even after only a month.  It was a month ago today that I was leaving to return to school.  I’m home for barely 40 before returning to "home."  Everytime I drive through my town or turn up my road, I’m caught off guard by how little things have changed.  For some reason, I expect everything to be different and am surprised to find it exactly how I left it.  It is such an odd feeling, and I’m not sure how to handle it.  Even my bedroom is still the same.  From the "Freedom Isn’t Free" sign on my ceiling to the sheets on my bed.  The latter is not be true, as I know my mother washed them after I left.  Yet there is still a feeling of static, non-changing.  Of course somethings have changed, but nothing drastic enough to make me feel like its no longer my town, my house, my room.  Its still exactly as I remember it.  For whatever reason, its not what I expected, though it is comforting.  I can leave, create a new life and a new home somewhere else and this place will still be here.

Its an odd feeling I’ve been experiencing.  I feel like I know the direction I want my life to go.  I want a home, a base, a place to return to after a journey.  I want to read the local paper and go to school board meetings.  I want to attend county fairs and watch kids grow up, graduate from high school and go off to college.  I don’t know where excatly this place is, but I know I want to find it.  I want a home.  I don’t want to travel so much that nowhere feels like I can belong.  I want a husband, and kids and all that too.  Lacking those things at the moment, I still want a home.  I don’t want to be a professional oboist who never eats leftovers cause I’m not home long enough.  This doesn’t mean I’m going to stop playing, but I’m just changing how I’m going to use my talents.  For once in my life, I feel like I have real direction.

I’m all at sea
Where no-one can bother me
Forgot my roots
If only for a day
Just me and my thoughts sailing far away

Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to
All at sea

I’m all at sea
Where no-one can bother me
I sleep by myself
I drink on my own
Don’t speak to nobody
I gave away my phone

Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to
All at sea

Now I need you more than ever, I need you more than ever now

You don’t need it every day
But sometimes don’t you just crave
To disappear within your mind
You never know what you might find
So come and spend some time with me
We will spend it all at sea

Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul
Please just leave me right here on my own
Later on you could spend some time with me
If you want to
All at sea

All At Sea ~ Jamie Cullum