i’m having trouble breathing

My eyes resemble the freshly cut grass when they glow so bright. Envy. I don’t want to feel this way, you have to understand that. But right now i just feel empty and i’m kicking the stones along the ground because i want to roll away right alongside them. I can’t look in your eyes because all i see is our old distant memories and how i used to smile. But when i look away from your eyes, all i can think of is how i don’t smile anymore. My smile was left behind with our old love songs and hand holding. My hands are by my side today, clutching at the air and vulnerability that you left behind without a glance behind you or a smoothly said ‘goodbye.’

I never thought letting you go would be this hard. But letting you go to her is even harder. I hope she realizes how amazing you are and treats you better than I ever did. I thought I treated you well. I thought I loved you enough. Thought you loved me enough. But it never was enough. I’m glad you have moved on. I hope you are happy. I wish the road from friends to lovers was two-way, but I know it is not. It will never be the same. If we meet again someday, it will be like starting over. Meeting a new person I did not know before. Did I really ever know you? Did you really ever know me? I didn’t think so. You don’t need to know how you hurt me. How you completely destroyed everything I once believed in. Maybe thats what our relationship was for. Challenging the things we once believed. Changing forever the way we are. I don’t know how much it changed you, but I am not the same girl you once knew. This has made me stronger but also weaker. What a paradox you caused. You gave me life and when you left, took my breathe along with you. I hope you know I still love you.
Everyone’s searching for a reason not to find their bridge. You were mine.