i’m confused and i bruise

So today was hard. That asshole called my phone all night long, I finally turned it off so I could get some peace. Even then I didn’t sleep for long. I woke up and had some coffee with John. Dot got up a bit later and we chatted for a while. I finally told them what happened with everything last night and they were horrified. Dot said her daughter, Kristen, went through something similiar a few years ago while trying to sell their car. So they asked what needed to be done and I told them I needed to go to Western Union and pick up the money, then bring it to a branch of my bank and redeposit it before the check is discovered as a fraud. John went on the computer and found the closest branch and Dot decided we would all go and then go out for lunch. It was about a 30 minute drive away. So that’s what we did. John went with me into the grocery store to pick up the money from Western Union and into the bank with me. I told the bank teller what had happened and at his suggestion we also spoke with the bank manager, Cindy. She was so great. I explained the whole story to her and she said we were lucky Western Union caught it. The check hasn’t been proven to be a fraud yet, but she said everything seems to point to fraud. She said it was good I got the money back into my account. She made a whole ton of phone calls to various people, called my bank at home and put a flag on my account so when the fraud department gets involved, they know I’m aware of the situation. She also put a hold on my account so I won’t be accused of trying to take the money back out or anything. She was so wonderful and patient and kind. I was ok with the no tears thing until she looked at me and asked how I was doing. I said I was ok, glad it was caught. And she asked if my nerves were a little shot, if I felt a little ragged. She hit the nail right on the head. I almost burst into tears, but held it together. John was so great, going in with me and being there. I was thinking that if I had been at home, I would have had to do that all alone. Not that my parents don’t care, but they just don’t have the time that John had to sit with me and talk with Cindy. I don’t know how I’m ever going to be able to repay them for everything they’ve done for me.

And the asshole keeps calling. My phone is now on silent and I’m not even carrying it with me. I called my dad after John and I were done at the bank. Cindy had called someone in the security department of the bank and asked what prosecutorial action I should take. The person said that the feds don’t even want to hear about another fraud case, and Dad said in the bigger scheme of things, the amount of money was not that much. We also recovered the money. But he said that he really wanted to find “…that son of a bitch and kick him in the balls. Mess with my daughter? Never again.” It really almost made me cry. He also asked what my plans were about a new roommate and I said I really didn’t know. I’m stretched so thin and I’ve tried so many things. I don’t know what’s going to happen now. He told me that it was ok to worry about how everything was going to work out, but that I shouldn’t worry if everything was going to work out. He said we’d figure something out. I love my parents so much for how great they’ve been through all this. I feel like such an idiot and they haven’t once said, “Well, this is your own fault.” They place no blame on me. They are just there.

I still don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’m just praying that things work out soon. This is just wearing on my nerves and I feel like I’m on the edge of a nervous breakdown. I shouldn’t be going into a new semester feeling like this. This is going to be so insanely difficult. I’m not looking forward to this. And now, true friends will show themselves and half friends will fall by the side. I’m not sure how mentally stable I’m going to be this semester. Should be an interesting ride.

And I really just want a little bit of good news right now. A little sunshine, a little hope, a little fun, a little smile. Anything that feels better than this fakeness plastered on my face.

Hey what you got you don’t know
Anything that I’m gonna say right now
Cuz I’m not so sure why I’m here and why I wanna
Keep on hanging ’round right now
Not that I do it now or any day
Sometimes I just get burned out
About lots of things and well just doubt

So tell me something good you got it and
Why am I so misunderstood cuz I wanna know this
Cuz I’m confused and do I break into two
So tell me how about you

Hey what you got something bad and I want it
Even though I know it’s wrong
But I won’t be blessed cuz I know this so I can’t have that
So like good job I gotta be strong
Man I don’t wanna be able to breathe
Be able to see what’s become
of the wars of this world
and the wars from my tongue

So tell me something good you got it and
Why am I so misunderstood cuz I wanna know this
Cuz I’m confused and I bruise yes I do so tell me how about you
So please just tell me something good you got it and
Why am I so misunderstood cuz I wanna know this
Come on baby and race me and maybe we’ll just find ourselves

I wanna be I wanna be like that mountain
I wanna stand taller and bigger than rest
See I just wanna be it a guy who wins all the time
I wanna be a big star a king and rule my own life
And God I know that it’s wrong
So please just make my heart right
Inside and destroy my pride

So you can tell me something good you got it and
Why I am so misunderstood cuz I wanna know this
Cuz I’m confused and I bruise yes I do so tell how about you
So please just tell me something good you got it and
Why am I so misunderstood cuz I wanna know this
Come on baby and race me and maybe we’ll just find ourselves

Hey what you got something bad and I want it
Even though I know its wrong

Tell Me Something Good ~ The Rocket Summer