i love the way she fills her clothes

Twelve in12

Reading
Queen’s Play ~ Dorothy Dunnett
The Other Boleyn Girl ~ Philippa Gregory
Myst: The Book of Ti’ana ~ Rand Miller

Finished
Mirror, Mirror ~ Gregory Macguire
Witchling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Changeling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Something Wicked ~ Catherine Mulvany
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ~ J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ~ J.K. Rowling
Myst: Book of Atrus ~ Rand Miller, Robyn Miller and David Wingrove
The Game of Kings ~ Dorothy Dunnett

I’m trying a bunch of things.  To become healthier.  To become better.  To not hate myself so much and to accept and love who I am.  My body is something I have a lot of issues with.  I don’t want to become so obsessed with it that I create more issues – eating disorders and the like.  My mother is always after me to eat better, to exercise, to be healthier.  I know she does it because she loves me, but I have to create my balance.  To be aware but not obsess.  I’ve never enjoyed exercise tapes or events.  I don’t mind walking or riding bikes, but its too difficult for me to do those things when I’m having anxiety attacks and can’t be seen by anyone.  I don’t know how or why I get like that, but I do!  It sometimes becomes hard for me to get up off the couch because someone walking by my apartment might see me.  This knowledge will freeze me to the couch.   So the idea of going outside to walk or ride doesn’t go over well in my mind.  I pretty much hate exercise tapes and those peppy, over-excited people.  "Come on!  Just fifteen more!  You’re doing so great!"  While I’m lying on the floor gasping for breath.  Its just annoying and angers me.  And the musician inside of me balks at having to do these movements against the beat of the music.  Its nearly impossible for me to do that, sad as it may seem.

So I’ve started doing the eating healthy thing, which is good.  I’m cooking more things from scratch, so I know excatly what’s going into the food and freshness is always a good thing.  But the exercise thing is still bugging me.  I need to find something that works for me, and makes me feel better in the process – not twenty weeks later.  And I think I’ve found it.  Fit TV has a million different exercise shows on, so I’ve been flipping through to see if anything caught my interest.  There’s a show called Shimmy, which is a belly-dancing series.  I remember when all those DVDs started coming out and the big hype over how good belly-dancing is good for you.  But I never got into it back then.  I didn’t care as much.  So I started checking out Shimmy and actually doing the 30-min shows.  Its a lot of fun, and actually makes me feel sexy – which is a huge plus.  Nothing is overly strenuous, but I definitly feel the effects later in my muscles.  Its mostly my mid-section that I’m not a fan of – that tire ring I’ve inflated – and my upper legs.  Which is excatly what the belly-dancing is supposed to help.  I think what I like the best about it is that feeling of being sexy and learning how to move my body.  So its not only getting me in shape, getting me moving, but its also making me feel better about my body and my shape and who I am.  So bonus on top of bonus.  I’d still like to get rid of this tire ring, but short of that, feeling good about my body is amazing.  Feeling like I can walk into a bar and turn heads is amazing.  And knowing I can do that weighing more than a super model, feeling that my shape and size isn’t a bad thing, is such an empowering thing.  Even if I keep my exact weight and size and shape, confidence is an amazing thing.

Now I just have to actually get out the door…..

I love the way she fills her clothes.
She looks just like them girls in vogue.
I love the way she plays it cool.
I think that she is beautiful.

She’s so lovely

She’s pretty, a fitty
She’s got a boyfriend though and that’s a pitty.
She’s flirty turned thirty
And at that kind of age a girl gets really dirty

I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know
How we’ll make it through this.

I love the way she bites her lip
I love the way she shakes her hips.
I love the way she makes me drool.
I think that you are beautiful.

She’s so lovely

A stunner, I wonder
Was she this fit when she was 10 years younger?
Come see me discreatly.
She says she’s got a trick or two to teach me.

I don’t know
I don’t know
I don’t know
How we’ll make it through this.

I think that you are lovely
I think that you are beautiful.

She’s so lovely

I don’t know
I don’t know
I don’t know
How we’ll make it through this.

She’s So Lovely ~ Scouting for Boys