i knew you before the west was won
"I will take my sword and run him through. If that fails, I’ll use it like a metal baseball bat and beat him to a bloody pulp. It just might be a little difficult for Settle to bail me out of jail from California."
There was a time when a quote like that would get my blood boiling and my haunches raised. I can take care of myself and I don’t need you, thank you very much. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t want to depend on Manny or some deep independent streak . But it was my reaction. Except this time, it made me feel protected and safe. I’ve been stressing about returning to work more than I’ve let myself realise. I don’t want to go deal with the guy who nearly raped me, drunk or not. I don’t want to be put anywhere near a situation where I’m not in control or near the guy who took that control without asking. The more I think about it, the more freaked out I get. The more I want to run and hide under my covers and never come out. But Manny’s words, the quiet anger and calm determination somehow made me feel better. And I know he would come running if I called. "Even if I have to walk all the way from Brooklyn…" He’s smart enough to find a way other than walking, but I don’t doubt that he would walk if I called for him.
He’s annoying and stubborn and so damn arrogant it makes me want to spit. But he’s protective and strong. If nothing else, I do feel safe with him. I know that no one would hurt me with him around. Not like I need a bodyguard, but… When you’ve been in that position once before, where someone else has taken control and your begging them to stop does nothing… A bodyguard is not such a bad thing to have. Its not like I’m afraid to walk into the warehouse or to go to work, as if I might get attacked and raped. But my comfort level drops considerably. I suppose it has a lot to do with the fact that I never thought it would happen to begin with. I never thought that guy would be one of those guys. I didn’t think he wouldn’t stop when I asked him to stop. I didn’t think he would take the control from me with such force. It poses the question ‘what else is he capable of doing?’
Manny just makes me feel safe, protected. Although our conversation tips slightly off when he begins complimenting me, flirting with me. I know its just how he is and just how we are. Except that I’m feeling lonely right now and I’m missing some of the other men in my life. This is exactly our M.O. We’re both lonely and vulnerable, seeking out emotional and physical interaction. There’s already attraction. There’s already trust. We’re a bad night of Vegas drinking away from being married. Most people who don’t know us think we belong together. We’re protective of each other to a fault, placing each other before way too many other equally important things. Its the perfect dysfunctional relationship that no one else understands and defies classification. We defy classification. We’re not just old friends, or long-time friends, or ex’s, or enemies, or lovers, or whatever else you might see us as. We are… basically what we are. And there’s comfort in that.
And he’s starting to make me feel just a little bit better about going back home.
I met you before the fall of Rome
And I begged you to let me take you home
You were wrong, I was right
You said goodbye, I said goodnight
It’s all been done
It’s all been done
It’s all been done before
I knew you before the west was won
And I heard you say the past
was much more fun
You go your way, I go mine
But I’ll see you next time
It’s all been done
It’s all been done
It’s all been done before
And if I put my fingers here, and if I say
"I love you, dear"
And if I play the same three chords,
Will you just yawn and say
It’s all been done
It’s all been done
It’s all been done before
Alone and bored on a thirtieth-century night
Will I see you on The Price Is Right?
Will I cry? Will I smile?
As you run down the aisle?
It’s all been done
It’s all been done
It’s all been done before
It’s All Been Done ~ Barenaked Ladies