hiking up my skirt

I was a bad girl and didn’t write last night. So this is a backdated entry, though a little short.
Date:Friday, 10/19/2007Time:11:22 am the next dayMood Level:NormalSeverity:Mild (no significant impairment)Anxiety:1=MildIrritability:2=ModerateHours Slept:8 hoursMedication:Lamictal/ 50mg

Today was actually pretty okay. I didn’t go to Psychology and I think there’s an exam on Monday, but that’s life. I spent the morning enjoying a shower and coffee. I did practice too and it went a lot better than Thursday. I think there’s something to be said for trying to play hungover. I can do it with piano, but oboe uses too many muscles and control needed over those muscles. Dave and I rehearsed again and that went pretty well. Laura actually came and heard us play, which was nice. She suggested I put in more vibrato in the first movement. She heard me play on Monday and she said she liked the vibrato that I used. As Dave and I played the first movement again, I realized why I didn’t use as much vibrato with the marimba. He has these parts that are tremolos on the same chord. And the vibrato sounds odd fighting against the marimba. So I’m going to talk to Doc and see what she thinks. I’ll play around with it at my dress rehearsal and we’ll see.

I went to the Wind Symphony Concert that evening and it wasn’t too horrible. Its not quite as scary as I was anticipating. And I got a lot of knitting done. I can’t sit through concerts. I get antsy and bored. I’m too used to doing more than one thing at once. So I’ve been working on this awesome blanket. Its got gray, blue and red. Its heavy and warm. So I’m excited for how much I’m getting done with it.

After the concert, I hung out with Marcie. She made me highly productive with was good. We got the posters for my recital done and then snuck into Mason to hang them up. And we got the music for her wedding figured out. It was a good evening, productive all the way to 1am!

So today was a good day. I didn’t have any major panic attacks, which was nice for a change. And I went to bed just tired. Saturday is Double Reed Day, which will be another entry!

just a little bit stronger
just a little bit wiser
just a little less needy
and maybe i’d get there

just a little bit pretty
just a little more aware
just a little bit thinner
and maybe i’d get there

clearly, clearly i remember
hiking up my skirt
and asking for your time

clearly, clearly i remember
nervous if ever confronted
and questioning myself

oh perhaps, perhaps if i got better
perhaps if i challenged myself
perhaps if i was…

just a little bit stronger
just a little bit wiser
just a little less needy
and maybe i’d get there

just a little bit pretty
just a little more aware
just a little bit thinner
and maybe i’d get there

clearly, clearly i remember
pulling up my shirt
and staring blank ahead

clearly, clearly i remember
days of useless crying
and almost feeling dead

oh perhaps, perhaps if i was smaller
perhaps i could control myself
perhaps if i was…

just a little bit stronger
just a little bit wiser
just a little less needy
and maybe i’d get there

just a little bit pretty
just a little more aware
just a little bit thinner
and maybe i’d get there

just a little bit stronger
just a little bit wiser
just a little less needy
and maybe i’d get there

just a little bit pretty
just a little more aware
just a little bit thinner
and maybe i’d get there

oooahhhh oooahhhh oooahhhh oooahhhh
just a little bit pretty
just a little more aware
just a little bit thinner
and maybe i’d get there

Just a Little Bit ~ Maria Mena