June 1, 2004

Heather’s Distractions

Computer screen and data sheets
Beg my attention but I ignore it
Music in my head and sounds in my ears
New musicians recycle old tunes
Warm coffee filters up to my nose
Waking my brain slowly from its sleep
Names, addresses, numbers on the page
Its where my focus should be centered
Names and situations float in my head
Different ways to screw him over
Different ways to keep alive
Dancing secretaries and devious plots
I can’t work like this
With my brian racing in all directions

I’m my own worst distraction
You’re my own worst nightmare
He’s my own worst guilt
She’s my own worst fault

Never letting go always reminding
I know he doesn’t try
He also doesn’t try for the ego
He just allows succeeds at it
But he would fight for my honor
He’d be the hero I’m dreaming of
If only I’d let him be all that he can
He’s not the one being all he can be
Cinematography and lighting angles
Soundtracks and scores with emotion
The winter scenes make me shiver
And now I can’t stop shaking
He would keep me warm if I let him
All I want to do is see the Mariner

I’m my own worst distraction
You’re my own worst nightmare
He’s my own worst guilt
She’s my own worst fault

She would have destroyed me
If I didn’t walk away from it all
She’s not the only one who lost here
I lost friends and loves and hopes
Dreams and fantasies
A companion to the shows and movies
Late-night drives and rantings
She was my guilty pleasure
The one I should walk away from
But like a drug can’t seem to escape
The memories and betrayals
I’m not the only innocent one here
But I’ll let them live in their world
If they let me live in mine

I’m my own worst distraction
You’re my own worst nightmare
He’s my own worst guilt
She’s my own worst fault

It was a mistake I would do over
Even if I had the chance to change it
It was the best mistake I ever made
And now what I feared is coming true
The avoidance, the abandonment
I don’t know what made me believe you
You are no different than any of them
Leave me alone on the porch
My drink and my cigarette with Brand New
Lyrics circle my head and tell my story
I’ll send you the CD of my life
After the cold water rushes my lungs
Every nightmare and every scream in my dreams
Are now becoming a desperate reality

I’m my own worst distraction
You’re my own worst nightmare
He’s my own worst guilt
She’s my own worst fault

Thanks for your note.I did not think you were judging me.Although being judged is the risk I take for airing my laundry here:) I am, who I am and I make no apologies.Me and my husband connect on many different levels other than “being in love”.There is a lot of mutual respect as friends,parents and once lovers.I hope this answers your question and if you have any more..just ask.

Dreamer_Believer

June 2, 2004

I really like your stuff. I’m jealous. I wish I could write like that. I’ve been trying for years and nothing good comes out. But seriously, your stuff is really good. Have you ever thought about getting it published or starting a publishing company? And it’s totally cool that you used a line from one of my entries. Take care and I’ll talk to you later *Heather* ~ Have fun at MBR:) Whoo!!

ryn: never heard the song…i will have to find it… i always catch the clock at certian times…its wierd! 🙂

I really dont remember with what i wrote… But uhm… What does ur screen name stand for?”Forever Dead”

do u know how to get it cause if you do i can tell you how to get it but if you dont just leave me notes and keep in touch

whats “ryn” mean? go to my od and leave me a note telling me what it means k and i have to od u know “tigerlover” and this one!! u can write me notes in which ever one cause i go on both of them like everyday. o ya is your name really “heather” if it is whats your last name?well g2g bye!!!!!!!!!

Hell yea led F**kin Rocks! What kind of music are u into? And…. Uhm… Thats kool with how you got your name in all =)

June 6, 2004

Right now, you’re probably at the MBR show… I hope you’re having a good time!!! Anyways…I think your story that you had me read, is really awesome. I really got in to it. So I can’t wait to see what happens. Well, take care and I’ll talk to you later *Heather*