handwritten, double-envelop letter

i wrote you a letter. Handwritten, double-envelope, in your mailbox late one night. I hop you find it just before you leave.

Things can’t be fixed between us. I would love to be able to blame you and claim innocence, but I know I can’t. I don’t really blame you. My anger isn’t even at you, its at the situation. But its hard to beat your fists and scream at an idea. It wasn’t the way I wanted things to end, but it was a better ending than the way it had been left.

I never really thought our relationship would completely end. But the way it ended was even worse. If I could go back, I would try something else. The thing is, I don’t know what I would change. They say hindsight is 2020 but I can’t see a better way. I wouldn’t go back and erase this all from my life. And I know if I could keep it, I would have never ended this. But I don’t know how to keep it from ending.

And 2020 is the perfect way to see, the perfect way to be.

So I wrote you a letter. Handwritten, double-envelope.

This is nothing I would want to change, and no one that I want to blame. Just want to hold you one more time, hear your voice and know you care. I can hear your car behind me. I can smell you walk beside me. But I can’t look you in the eye. You hurt me like no one ever could, like no one ever thought they would. So now I turn and walk away.

But I’ll write you a letter. Handwritten, double-envelope. In your mailbox late one night. And you’ll wonder where it came from. And you’ll wonder how it got there. But you’ll never wonder who it came from.

Hope that sat in front of me, has now faded away. And left me all alone. You took it back with you. Seeing all the signs and misdirected quotes, you thought were meant for your eyes. I never meant to hurt you. But you hurt me so deeply and I try to protect me from the acid that you spew so unknowingly. I would blame you if I could, but things here are never that simple. And no one will be so close to me as you. So put your passport on the table, let them stamp it and send you on your way. You won’t be searched or compromised. I promise I won’t spread your lies.

And I’ll write you a letter. Handwritten in a double-envelope. In your mailbox late one night before you die. And I’ll wonder if I’ll still be alive to watch you die. I pray I’m not cause I can only lose you once.

And I’ll write you a letter. A handwritten letter, double-enveloped. In your mailbox. Sits a letter. In your mailbox is the letter I should send you today.