forever dead

was it life I betrayed for the shape I’m in
its not hard to fail its not easy to win
did I drink too much could I disapear
and there’s nothing that’s left but wasted years
there’s nothing left but wasted years
how did everything get so screwed up?
everyone i love seems to hurt me
self-sacrifice that finally destroys my person
love is the 99 cent Hallmark kind
empty cute words that make me smile
plastic smiles until my face is stuck
until i want to scream black stars
warm fuzzies that quickly fade
as i shrink down to nothing
as you look at me from your perfect life
i’ve tried to hate you but i can’t
everytime i start i find myself loving you more
you put the scars on my wrist
and the scabs on my heart
the scars will fade in time
soon they will just be
an old reminder of heartache and pain
but these incisions will never heal
the anguish lasts a lifetime
destroying whatever chance at love i had
it has already destroyed one
and now i am alone and you are to blame
but you sit there in your law-fighting world
loving me with every breath in your body
and killing me with every move you make
if your death would make this easier
i would kill you in an instant
but that would only cause more misery
so you continue to love me
with a noxious love that kills me
a contagious love that spreads
to anyone who will ever try to love me
and anyone who i will ever try to love
now i know why i am forever dead
blistering tears my only lamentors