fill these moments with words like forever

I’m still here, just so busy and so sick. Work has picked up considerably with the banning of one co-worker and the lack of abilities in many others. People who don’t show up for work, or call out sick, or when they do show up, don’t do anything. I’m not sure which is worse yet. Silver lining? I get more hours which means more money. Black cloud? I get more hours which means less sleep and time for fun. Church is no longer a sanctuary for me. I find moments of happiness farther apart in that place and they are no longer created for me, only by me. I never realized how tiring looking for happiness is and how wearing on one’s soul it can be.

I’m also sick either with allergies or a cold, but lack of time to sleep and recover has kept me from getting any better.

I’m doing ok admist all of this. Jenny pointed out the lack of “fun” in my life. She said I used to always talk about friends and such, but now my talk is centered around work and stresses. So I’ve been trying to put more “fun” back into my life. Last night instead of sleeping, I attended an ice hockey game with a bunch of my friends. One of our co-workers was playing. The team lost, but it was great to get out and away from the stress and craziness of work. Though some might argue sleep would have been better for me, the laughter and companionship rejuvinated me so much more than an extra hour of sleep ever could have.

Still there are heavy things weighing on my mind…..

don’t look at me now
she said with eyes that i can hardly take
‘cuz im stuck with a smile that doesnt fit me anymore
she said
who wants a life that’s filled with semesters
and useless knowledge and wasted credits
you can stay here tonight or maybe forever
and no one has to know
‘cuz i wont let you go

and i cant wait to write you a letter for everyday that i cant bear
you can fill these moments with words like forever
but you gotta swear
don’t forget to remember me

she said with a smile
that screams of tears and not another word
gunna spend my nights either sleepless or
dreaming about you
she said
who wants a life of lost adolescense
thats filled wtih regrets and anti-depressants
ive said it before and you know that i meant it
youre all i want to know
and i wont let that go

and i cant wait to write you a letter for everyday that i cant bear
you can fill these moments with words like forever
but you gotta swear
don’t forget to remember me

let’s just hope that nothing happens
wait forever not for me
life-long problems and last kisses;
all you ever gave to me

and i cant wait to write you a letter for everyday that i cant bear
you can fill these moments with words like forever
but you gotta swear
don’t forget to remember me
don’t forget to remember me

Paper, Rock, Scissors ~ Jamisonparker