even when i numb myself

The real test of friendship is: can you literally do nothing with the other person? Can you enjoy those moments of life that are utterly simple? ~ Eugene Kennedy

I’ve always said there’s nothing like old friends. There’s nothing like the comfort and safety of an old friend. It doesn’t belittle the newer friends in anyway. But there’s still nothing like old friends. I didn’t always realize how lucky I am to have such great old friends. There are people from high school or elementary school that I might wave to if I run into at the supermarket. Those are more like past friends. We’ve lost touch, lost that connection. But friends who you’ve kept up with. My mother has old friends. Women she roomed with at college. They still exchange cards and phone calls. But Mom says its not the same as my friends. I have friends from junior high and high school. There’s so much a person goes through in those years. Its easy to go off to college and lose track of those friends. You make new friends and amazing memories and start plotting your own life. Somewhere in the mess and craziness you lose track of those high school friends. My mom says she doesn’t talk to any of her high school friends anymore. Not the way that I talk to Megan and Manny and Heather.

Have I mentioned lately my Mom is totally awesome?

So I was talking with Manny the other day and he mentioned that this coming weekend was Settle’s little sister’s wedding. Manny was invited “plus one” and had RSVP’ed for two. He was just going to see if he could find anyone and if he couldn’t, he couldn’t. He said that the only person he really wanted to go with was me, but didn’t know if I could come home. The wedding is on Friday, so I could be back in Fredonia by Sunday for church. Sarah is picking her hamster up on Thursday, so the timing could work out. Except have you checked out the gas prices lately? Its almost worth it to fill your car every day to try and sidestep the daily price hike. There was no way I could pay that much to go home and back. So I had a plan. I called my mother. I was going to tell her I was thinking of coming home, for the wedding, but also to see her and Dad. Then puff out my bottom lip a little and say that gas was expensive. I’m such a brat sometimes. Well, I called Mom. She and Dad are going to the lake. So much for timing. Oh well. But she thought the idea was so good. She knows how much I love being around those guys, those old friends. So she’s buying one tank of gas for me! See – My Mom is totally awesome! I’m going as a surprise. Manny said that he was helping out a little before the wedding, but he would just leave and come pick me up before the ceremony and the reception. We’re going to get such looks! But I really can’t wait to see everyone. It’s going to be great.

Oh yeah, and Newfie’s coming into town this week too. Supposedly. His landlord told him he had to get his stuff out and I told him I couldn’t/wouldn’t do it for him. So he’s flying down for only a day or two and then going back. I’m apprehensive. I’m fighting the urge to let my world revolve around him for the time that he’s here. I’m taking some stuff back home with me when I go for the wedding and I need to figure that out. I’m working at the church on Tuesday and having lunch with Rhonda. I’ve got to lay out the summer hymn schedule and I’d like to get a start on the fall schedule too. I want to look into ordering some music and organizing what’s already been ordered. I need to practice and clean and get ready for my class next week. I have hotel arrangements to make for a masterclass Sarah and I are going to. But in all honesty, I want to just be with Newfie while he’s here. I want to drive to Toronto and back so I’ll have more time with him. I want to cook for him and help him organize his stuff. But I know that’s not healthy and it will just hurt that much more when he leaves again. I’m really not sure I’m ready to see him again yet. Or at least with such little warning. I’ve had less than a week to prepare myself for his coming. That’s partly why the brick wall around my heart has been flying up. Its also why I really want to go to this wedding with Manny. I know I’m safe with Manny. I know I’m protected. I really think I’m going to need that after this week.

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy

that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good whether with or without you

That I Would Be Good ~ Alanis Morissetten I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy

that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good whether with or without you

That I Would Be Good ~ Alanis Morissette