Even if things get heavy, we’ll all float on…

So the previous entry is something I found….somewhere and its pretty much dead-on. I found my new favorite quote too…

It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.
~ Nick Hornby, High Fidelity

Maybe its sad that I totally agree with it, but its true for me. Music is a big part of my life and if my “significant other” can’t stand my music, well he won’t be my significant other. I can be friends with people when our music tastes clash, but my husband/boyfriend/best friend needs to agree that Queen is amazing, Brand New rocks the world, there is no one like Brahms and the list goes on. Movies aren’t such a big deal. Just as long as Dumb and Dumber or Dude, Where’s My Car? or Half Baked isn’t their absolute favorite film of all time and should have made it big at the Oscar’s. And they can concede that Julia Roberts and Sean Connery are good. They don’t have to agree they are the best or favorite, but don’t tell me Sean Connery is a stupid actor. He’s good.

Anyway…that’s just me. There are certain things that are important and certain things that aren’t. Music is my life and movies aren’t so important.

I’m way too open-minded sometimes I think. I need to get some spine.

So I talked to Mike. He’s in Tampa now getting ready for a 10-day tour. I don’t even know if you can call that a tour, but he’s going out on a tanker and he’ll be back in about 2 weeks. I didn’t want to really dig into him for not calling. He said he fell asleep at a gas station. He was so tired, he pulled over, zonked out and woke up in the morning. And I knew he was tired. I’m just really glad he’s ok. I’m still not sure what to do though. He’s planning on taking this class in the spring in Maryland. Its for like two weeks and he wants me to come down and visit him. I have a funny feeling its the same time as the Peabody auditions. Granted I don’t know where he’ll be in Maryland, but still. Maryland’s not all that big. And I was kind of planning on going down at some point anyways, so why not make it all at the same time. I’m not sure. I’m not sure about Peabody or Oberlin and I’m not sure about Mike.

I should just let things flow and let it all go. He’s going to be in and out for the next few months anyways. And I don’t want to be that kind of needy-attached girlfriend. I don’t really think we see each other enough to be in a serious committed relationship. Besides I don’t want to be in a really serious relationship. I’m not ready for one of those. But I don’t know. I want something more. **Cue dramatic pose** Maybe it is just how girls are. I also don’t want to make this into a phone relationship because those are just not good. I want it to be face to face, hand in hand, real-life. But I also don’t want him to be tied down with all of his traveling and I certainly don’t want to be tied down to a guy who’s never around. I’m not complaining that he wants to travel, and I certainly don’t want him to stay. Yet the fact remains that he isn’t going to be around.

Maybe I’m not mature enough for a ‘friends-who-have-sex’ relationship. And I know he thinks the ‘friends-with-benefits’ idea is a crock. I agree. So the infamous-oh-so-damn-annoying quesiton comes back up. What are we? Before we were just waiting to see how things were going. He was suppose to leave for six months. I would have been able to figure out things. Well, I was hoping to figure out things. But now he’ll be in and out.

Its confusing and its unfair. Part of me just keeps saying Leave it as it is! Why mess with a good thing? But another part of me wants some kind of validation. I want to know that I’m more than just ass to him. Correction – I actually want to how much more I am to him.

And I’m really ok with answers in the doubtful mode. Cause honestly, I don’t know excatly what he is to me. I know I’m holding back from him. I know I’m trying to protect myself. I’m willing to let go a little more and open up, but I need to know that is what he wants. I need to know that on some level, he wants me to open up more. I know that he was my first and therefore will forever be someone special to me.

I want a picture of him. On some level I want him to carry a picture of me in his wallet. But that’s stepping into delicate girlfriend-type zones. Stealing T-shirts, stuffed animals, photographs – They are girlfriend-zones that I’m not sure I have a right to. Christmas presents – do I buy him one? I didn’t get him a birthday gift. We don’t have an anniversary which is perfectly fine with me (although I know the day we met and everything.) But we don’t call each other those days for “Anniversary Wishes” or anything. Honestly I can’t tell you without stopping and figuring it through in my head how long I’ve known him. Since April I think. It was when Heather was home on Spring Break. I don’t even know!

But I digress. I don’t want to suffocate him and I certainly don’t want him suffocating me. But….I like him. And I want to know where this might be going. And I don’t know is an ok answer. As long as he is willing to go there with me.

Ok – so I’m obsessive and strange. But I haven’t thought a lot of this through. I’ve just been running on emotions. I need to really sort things out and then talk to him. He had better come up to see me when he comes home. Cause I refuse to have that conversation on the phone with him. But he still wants me to call while he’s in Corpus Christi……

I really hate their singer’s voice, but musically this is a pretty good song.

I backed my car into a cop car the other day.
Well he just drove off, sometimes life’s OK.
I ran my mouth off a bit too much, oh what did I say?
Well you just laughed it off, it was all OK.

And we’ll all float on OK. And we’ll all float on OK.
And we’ll all float on OK. And we’ll all float on anyway.

Well, a fake Jamaican took every last dime with that scam.
It was worth it just to learn some sleight of hand.
Bad news comes, don’t you worry even when it lands.
Good news will work its way to all them plans.
We both got fired on exactly the same day.
Well we’ll float on, good news is on the way.

And we’ll all float on OK. And we’ll all float on OK.
And we’ll all float on OK. And we’ll all float on.
Alright already, we’ll all float on.
No don’t you worry. We’ll all float on.
Alright, already. We’ll all float on.
Alright, don’t worry. We’ll all float on.

And we’ll all float on.
Alright already, we’ll all float on.
Alright, don’t worry even if things end up a bit too heavy.
We’ll all float on.

Alright already, we’ll all float on.
Alright already, we’ll all float on OK.
Don’t worry, we’ll all float on.
Even if things get heavy, we’ll all float on.
Alright already, we’ll all float on alright.
Don’t you worry, we’ll all float on.
We’ll all float on.

Float on ~ Modest Mouseyou ever shop as a recreational activity when you don’t actually NEED anything at the moment?

Sometimes, but not often. I have limited funds and I don’t like the mall particularly. I see too many people that I know. But browsing through little antique shops in the Adirondacks is always fun.

13. Are you willing to pay extra to buy at locally owned shops versus discount stores? Why or why not?

My dad used to work at a family owned butcher shop. When Stop & Shop moved into town, they lost a lot a business. But slowly people started coming back. My dad could tell customers how to cook the meat and what seasonings work best. That business is since gone and closed. But I still prefer the locally owned butcher shop. The people there are more friendly and greet customers by name. They take pride in the products they offer and only want the best for them. Locally-owned shops also know their product better and can answer random questions about it. The Walmart employees around here couldn’t find their butt with two hands in the dark.

14. Is there any kind of health care that you are scrimping on right now because it is so costly that you can’t justify the expense?

I’d love to get my teeth straightened. But I have two problems. One is definitly the money. The other is to the fact that I play oboe. I can’t spend 18 months or more learning how to replay my oboe with the braces and then have to relearn it all over again when they are removed. There are those Invisiline Braces or something, which would be perfect, but its back to the same problem of money.

15. Do you hire help to clean your home? How often and for how much money?

Again this is a benefit of living with my parents. When my dad passed the BAR exam, my mother told him she wanted a housekeeper since they both worked full-time. The problem became finding someone who worked to my mom’s standards and we trusted enough in our house alone. My dad has client papers and other sensitive materials in the house, besides all the expensive things like my oboe and computer and whatnot. We’ve had three or four different ladies and now have two women from our church who come once a week. They are wonderful, although they do not clean my room. I don’t mind cause I’d rather do it and know where I put things.

16. If you drink coffee, what kind do you drink and how much does it cost? Do you make it at home or do you buy it at the coffee shop? Is it McDonald’s rotgut coffee? Have you ever belonged to Gevalia or a similar service?

I drink coffee like I breathe air. Ok, not quite as bad, but close. I mostly drink it at work, and the firm buys it for us. Its not top shelf, but it gets me through the day. Sometimes I’ll drink the stuff my mom makes, but she mixes decaf and regualer and makes it lighter than I like it. I hate McDonald’s coffee, I mostly drink Dunkin Donuts and I love Starbucks! But I only splurge on Starbucks occassionally. I’ve never belonged to a coffee club, but I’d love to try it some day when I’m rich and famous!

17. Plain old toothbrush or high priced sonic toothbrush?

I’ve never had a cavity, but my dentist recommended an electric toothbrush. Right now it needs new heads, which I haven’t gotten yet, so I’m using an plain old toothbrush. I used to get a kick out of the electric one, but the regular one works just as well and I feel like I have more control.

18. What is your favorite non-necessity indulgence? How much does it cost? Why is it worth it? How often do you allow yourself this indulgence?

I guess Starbucks is an indulgence, cause I could just drink Dunkin or the homemade stuff.

I guess another one is concerts and the merchandise from a concert. I don’t go often cause I won’t blow money on a show I won’t enjoy. But when I go to see a band I like, I’ll stuff $50 or $75 in my pocket to buy T-Shirts, CDs and stickers. I think the most expensive concert was Warped Tour which was like $35 for the ticket. It was an all-day concert with 8 or 10 different stages. But that trip also included traveling expenses, hotels and bar hopping. But band T-shirts and other band merch is definitly a non-necessity indulgence that I partake in if the band is worth it. That means maybe 4 or 5 concerts a year.

Please note Darlingnikki if you take this survey! She is interested in the answers!