DCC Notes

So I’m debating food or bathroom. Daddy’s taking me for dinner but that’s like 2 hours from now. Hmmm and I want pizza. Ok bathroom, but food. But dinner, but class. GR! Oh, well. I’m going in search of bathroom and then class where I will probably write another 4 pages or so.

Maybe Russ is right and I should just send them. But yah, that part about Brian, no they are going in my box or somewhere else safe. So I have friends! Yah! I ran into Mary Kate after dinner with my dad. I realised something about my dad. He doesn¡¦t listen to me. He never has and probably never will. No matter what happens calm, rational discussions, even still. He doesn’t listen to me. He doesn’t want to or he knows I’m right. I hate that about him. He can’t admit when I have a point. Cause I’m a kid and I should know that I’m totally ignorant. He’s never understood me when I say “I thought I was suppose to do this.” His answer is “Well, you should have asked.” But I thought I was going what I was supposed to. He asked me to do something. I understood what he asked and did it. Then I went onto my next chore. But I did not undertand him correctly. No matter how good I do, its never good enough. And they wonder why I can’t seem to leave for college. Well, let’s see. I have a father who won’t listen to me and never says thanks, but rather tells me what I do wrong. I don’t mow right. I don’t vacuum right. I don’t look right. I don’t act right. I don’t do right basically. I’m not right. That’s the conclusion I’ve come to. I’m not right. I personally am a failure. Can’t hack German so I quit. Can’t hack Hilton, so I quit. Story of my life. Long list of failures that make normal people stonger. Me? Yah, I just give up and roll over. Most people’s storys go something like this: “Crap happened so I threw myself into this and look at me now!” My story? “Crap happened so I gave up.” I have nothing to show. And my crap wasn’t even that bad. Most people over come illness, devestation, all kinds of stuff. I didn’t overcome shit. My best friend leaves for college and I just about have a mental breakdown. Its not like its Siberia. Its college. Whats the big deal? Saddest thing about all this, I know whats missing. It won’t solve all my problems, but I do know what I’m missing. Its so weird. I remember thinking how can people live or believe any other way? And I remember thinking I would never turn away. Well, look at me now! Everything I never thought I could ever be.

So Thursday class time, There is no one in this class. Well, ok I take it back there are like 2 girls and the rest are guys. URG! I hate waiting for classes to begin. Always seems like an eternity. But I saw this guy I know from my Pyschology class. The cool class. I swear I actually miss that class! But I saw him. Totally on coincidence too. He’s so sweet and nice and DAMN I can’t remember his name!! I feel like such a moron. And he’s such a sweetheart, too! Oooo teacher 1st impression seems very cool. Oh, nevermind, its not the real teacher.

Ok, so people are cool! And I have more friends. Heather came and sat by me. Then Jenna came over and we got food, which I really needed. And then they left and Alex came and sat by me. Then some of his friends came over. Then other friends, (he’s a very popular guy) and the names….ok. First there was Gladys, Pamela and another one I forgot already. Then came Katie, Heather and Matt. Matt kinda reminds me of Joey but only really in looks. He’s really outgoing and horribly sarcastic. I’ve learned if you wait a few secs he’ll say kidding or joking. And he’s into classical music. Not like that’s all he knows, but he’s into it. We had a huge dicussion on Bach’s Fugue in d minor. I mean, how often do you randomly have a casual conversation with someone you just met about Bach of all things!? Its so odd!