Cooking away the anxiety

Twelve in12

Reading
Queen’s Play ~ Dorothy Dunnett
The Other Boleyn Girl ~ Philippa Gregory
Myst: The Book of Ti’ana ~ Rand Miller

Finished
Mirror, Mirror ~ Gregory Macguire
Witchling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Changeling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Something Wicked ~ Catherine Mulvany
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ~ J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ~ J.K. Rowling
Myst: Book of Atrus ~ Rand Miller, Robyn Miller and David Wingrove
The Game of Kings ~ Dorothy Dunnett

So I made pizza dough earlier this week because I wanted calzones.  The first time worked out pretty okay, so I did it again the next night, along with garlic knots.  I met a guy at the bar the other night who’s from Long Island and we were commisterating on the foods from home that we miss – Chinese, pizza and bagels.  He brought up the fact that no one out here knows what garlic knots are.  Which made me crave them.  So I figured out how to make them!  They may not be as good as those made back home, but for homemade substitutes, they weren’t bad! I didn’t used all the pizza dough either time I made the calzones, so I froze what I didn’t use.  Tonight (or rather this afternoon) I pulled some of it out of the freezer and let it thaw.  I ended up making mini-pizzas, 2 with just cheese and 2 with green peppers and onions.  I wish I had made them all with peppers and onions.  So good!  I’ve been wanting to make a chocolate cake.  But without people around to share it with, I’ll eat the whole thing in two days.  Also I might be going to Indy to see my cousin.  So I’m making biscotti instead.

So over the weekend, my father was down in Florida to see his mother.  Its been a year since her husband, my grandfather, passed away.  While Dad was down there, Mom asked me if I would be willing to drive out to Indy to see Lauren.  I said yes and would leave on Thursday.  The condition was to wait and see how Lauren was doing.  If she ended up going home, I probably wouldn’t go.  Oddly, this week there was little news coming out of Indy, and so I called my mother this morning to see what she thought.  She called my grandmother and spoke to her for a while.  Lauren is still in the hospital.  She’s not worse, but she’s not getting better either.  They are keeping her on these heavy duty meds, and don’t want her to go home until they know what excatly is happening.  They were hoping she would be okay to go home this week and now Lauren’s other grandmother is staying until this weekend.  She was hoping to go home last week.  So she’s extending her trip.  My mother asked if I would be willing to take my cousin Matt back to school with me.  If I leave tomorrow morning, I can drive all the way to Indy, spend the night and leave on Saturday with him to come back here.  He could spend the week with me, and I’d have some help moving, then I could drive him back on Sunday or Monday before driving all the way back to Wappingers.  I’m calling my aunt tomorrow to see if taking Matt for a week would help at all.  I’d actually be willing to take both boys, but that’s pushing it.  This apartment is small and I need to study and they would probably kill each other.  But Mom and I were thinking that if my aunt and uncle only had one non-hospitalized kid to worry about it might make things easier.  But it might not make a difference.  I’m calling my aunt in the morning to see what she thinks.

I’d do anything for my family, including driving 900 miles in two days.  But my anxiety levels are pretty high right now.  My grandmother had a stroke this week though she’s home and she’s doing fine.  But Lauren being in the hospital and this Spanish class and grad school and practicing oboe….  It’s just all hitting right now.  I was on the phone with Manny this evening because with the possibility of me going out there, I might not be around when he’s doing his video shoot.  I had told him I’d help anyway I could with beds and food.  But if I’m not here, that changes things for him.  He was getting ready for bed, but we talked for a bit.  At one point, he asked me a question about Lauren and all I could say was "I want her better.  Better.  Make better.  Make better.  Make better.  Better…"  I tried to say something else and all that came out was "Make better."  I finally just gave up and stopped talking.  I’m sure Manny noticed it, although I don’t know if he thought it was just because I was hyped up on coffee or what.  For me, I know that I was dangerously close to losing it.

All I want right now is to talk to Newfie.  Actually, I want him here.  Sitting on my couch, eating the food I cook, listening to Bach and Handel with me.  There is just something about his presence that calms me.  And he can’t be here right now, so I want the next best thing – talking.  Except when I called the other day, he was out.  And Wednesday it was too late and tonight was too late.  I hate that he’s an hour and a half ahead.  It messes with my mind, and I generally don’t think about calling or talking to anybody until after the sun is gone.  When the sun sets close to 9pm out here, its not really dark until quarter to ten.  And then its quarter after eleven out there, and I don’t want to call his house that late.  If it was just him, that would be different, but I don’t want to bother his parents.

Great.  Here come the birds.  Part of me wants to sleep and part of me can’t stop going.  I bought The Other Boleyn Girl the other day while at the mall with Sarah and Lindsey.  Its good.  After reading book 1 of the Lymond Chronicles and starting the second book, Gregory’s book seems like such an easy read.  But its really good.  Its interesting trying to keep those two books seperate though.  Boleyn starts in 1521 and Lymond starts in 1547 on opposite sides of the border, supporting different crowns.  Far enough removed to be different, but close enough that some of the courtier families are related.  The border Lords of Scotland were always cautious when aligning themselves for one side or the other.  They wanted to be on the winning side, not the dying side.  They could also help save and even grow their estates by wavering between both sides, never committing to one

or the other.

Anyways – If I have to drive to Indy in a few hours, I should get some sleep.  Maybe I’ll get to talk to Newfie at some point too.  Maybe some of my anxiety will melt away!  And maybe the skye and grass will swap places….