COFFEE.EXE missing. Insert cup and press any key

Work is slowly killing me. I’ve been so tired the past few days its undescribable. I guess on some level, as annoying as stupid people are, its kinda not their fault their only brain cells are used to keep their heart beating. I’ll forgive them for stupid mistakes. Sometimes. But to blatantly and outright do something they know they shouldn’t while looking me straight in the eye is just plain dumb. Answer the phone correctly. I don’t care that you’ve done it the other way for 5 years. I’ve been here almost 10 years and I’ve changed it plenty. I don’t care if you don’t like the way it sounds. And aside from my reasons that it is more efficient and professional, it is the protocol. It is the rules of the firm and the way it must be done. Because the boss says so. I’m doing so many things that in my mind aren’t the best way for them to be done. And when I can I suggest changes and do things differently. But when it comes down to it, if bosslady says to do it a certain way, no matter how dumb and annoying I think it is, I have to do it that way. To me its a sign of respect. You do what you are told. That is why you get paid every other Friday.

When it really starts pissing me off is when it makes my job harder. I have my own damn work to do. Never-ending projects that have so many glitches that have to be fixed. And I suppose I could just blow it all off and forget the glitches, but I can’t. I take pride in my work. And I have a reputation of finding problems other people ignore or don’t realize and then fixing them. And bosslady trusts me because of that. She knows and other attorneys know that if I’m given a project I won’t screw up. Trust in a law firm is not given freely. Too much is at stake. You have to earn it. I have the ear of bosslady and partners because of the trust and respect I’ve built up. So people who blantantly make my job harder and screw up really piss me off. And if their reason for doing it is stupid and petty, its just ridiculous. They are suppose to be professional grown-ups. Don’t act petty and childish. There is no room or time for it here.

All the stress at work just makes me exhausted. I know Settle works hard all day long too, but his is physical labor. I could beat physical labor with more coffee. But mental labor just kills me. Being stressed and on top of everything all day long, I just go home and pass out in front of the TV. My brain can’t think anymore. And I feel like I’m getting sick too. Stress sucks. I’ve been downing coffee like its air lately. I’ll be a full fledged addict soon.

When Manny called last night and wanted me to come over and watch a movie, I had been asleep. I was so out of it, I didn’t even realize it was him at first. And when I said I wasn’t sure, Kathleen started whining so loud in the background. I could tell she was hyper and I didn’t want to deal with it. As fun as it would have been, I really didn’t want to have to get up, change my clothes, drive over to Settle’s, where watching the movie I would probably fall asleep on Manny (which has its own issues), and then have to wake up again to drive home. I probably could have gotten Manny or Kathleen to come get me, but I just didn’t want to go out. I was just way too tired. And that was after Mommy had come in and was badgering me about changing out of my clothes and turning off the lights. I left the lights on so when I finally did wake up I could see what I was doing. And my room is a complete mess. The pile of clothes is almost bigger than my queen-sized bed. I’m getting coffee tonight, maybe calling someone to come over and just cleaning my room.

Oh wow, this is how tired I was last night. I had put on the movie Chocolat but didn’t even make it through the credits. When I woke up, I turned it off and had this melody in my head. So I went to the piano and wrote this really pretty piece. I probably won’t be able to remember any of it today, but I remember thinking I wish I had some computer program to write music on. Cause then I could have recalled it and finished it today. Oh well. I’ll try when I get home.

BLECH! Work and therapy calls. And I’m in such a bitchy mood this week I hope I don’t get my period this weekend. That would majorly suck!!

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.