Break does not mean Vacation
I’m not really sure this break from school is so relaxing. I’m actually really looking forward to the semester starting up again.
Monday, Dec 22 – I left my apartment on the only clear day in sight. The snow on my deck was up to my waist, and while the walks were cleared, packing my car was still an experience. I gave Cale some anti-anxiety medicine for the car ride and stuffed her into her Pet Taxi. She really hates it in there, but I would not risk carrying her to the car in my arms. I let her out while I drove, but it ended up that she prefered to stay in her Taxi. She spent the remainder of the ride sleeping on my fingers inside her Taxi. I drove through some harsh lake effect weather and arrived at my parents’ house just as my mother was leaving. She went to the airport to pick up my grandmothers.
Tues, Dec 23 – I spent the day doing laundry, while being insulted and challenged by my grandmother. My father hid in his bedroom writing music for the evening Christmas Eve rehearsal. It was an interesting rehearsal, one where I learned how much of a musical snob I am. I realized that my mother does not know how to conduct instrumentalists and my father really can’t orchestrate for multiple instruments. He also does not understand the English horn at all. It was an extremely frustrating evening, and I was not looking forward to the next day.
Weds, Dec 24 – During the morning, I worked on my father’s arrangements attempting to save them and endured more attacks from my grandmother. Mercifully, I had to leave by 3 o’clock for a Christmas Eve service on the other side of town in another church. The service was pretty unorganized and unprepared. Thankfully, I sight-read well and can easily adapt to the situation. But it was a stressful beginning to a long night. I returned to my parents’ house around 5pm to pick up my mother and the next set of musical devices. Rehearsal started at 6:15pm but was never on time. It wasn’t until 15 minutes before the service began did my mother remember to go pick up the grandmothers from home. Talk about cutting it close! The 8 o’clock service was alright, but I was bouncing all over the balcony. After that service, I had a rehearsal for the Jan 4 Sunday service. That, coupled with a rehearsal for the late service, cut my party time short. I barely had anytime to see Juice and his girlfriend before the 11 o’clock service started. My father had taken his mother home after the 8 o’clock service, so Mom had to take her mother home after the 11 o’clock service. She then joined my father and I at the pastor’s house for the annual private de-stressing party. We finally got to bed around 3 am.
FRIDAY, Dec 26: This was my Freedom Day. My mother knew that if she wanted the holiday to be free of bloodshed I needed some time with my friends, especially those who were leaving soon. So she told my father I needed a Freedom Day. Especially since they got one of their own. On Thanksgiving, the old gang had gotten together and played football in Manny’s backyard. They had such a good time, they decided to repeat the fun the day after Christmas. They played on the outfield of a local rec park baseball field. The infield was a skating rink, where I spent most of my time. I wanted to play but I really didn’t want to hurt myself because of my sciatica. That would have been bad. So I stayed on the sidelines and threw snowballs at the players instead. Afterwards, six of us went to Perkins and complained about Settle’s brother-in-law. It was most amusing how much we all pretty much disliked him. That evening, everyone got back together at a local bar. It was like old home week. The place was filled with kids I knew from high school and even elementary school. Half of them I was excited to see, the other half probably didn’t recognize me. Or so I thought. I mentioned something to Manny about certain people not recognizing me and he had to say something. He called over a guy named Michael, who I’ve known since third grade. I was pretty sure Michael wouldn’t remember me, but he gave me a huge hug. Manny, who was more drunk than he’ll ever admit, then told Michael how I was afraid he or the other people there wouldn’t recognize me. He cracked up and told me I was crazy. He said the moment I walked in, "all those fucking assholes went nuts, poking each other and pointing me out. They all know exactly who you are. How could we ever forget you?" It made me a little embarrased to be so insecure, but I did feel a lot better. It made me feel good to know I wasn’t one of those invisible people from school, or one of those easily forgettable ones. Michael even remembered how he and I used to share a math book all the time. The whole evening was still strange, like a scene out of a movie. Picture a small town outside NYC where half the graduating class moves down to the City, but comes back to the sticks every once in a while. We all managed to escape our town, but are somehow still drawn back to our roots. Add in a dart board and pool table and you can understand the movie reference. What finally saved me was Nathan. He got off work and dragged Bubba and Juice over to the bar. Since Nathan went to a different high school, he knew next to no one in the bar and gave me someone to talk to. As the bartender shouted for last call, a few of us made plans to go to the diner. It ended up being a double date of those who should be together, but never will be – me, Manny, Settle and Kathleen. It was really nice to sit with those guys and just relax. I don’t know Kathleen as well as I’d like, but there is something about the company of old friends. She was really excited to hear about my decision to go to seminary, and as we talked I realized something. She is one of those people that I don’t think about leaning on, but if I ever asked her, I know she’d do whatever she could to help me. We don’t know each other’s whole stories, but we don’t need to. We are friends, without conditions or strings or complications. Considering how complicated most of the relationships inside our gang can be, its nice to be reminded those complications don’t really matter. Its not just Kathleen, but the others in the gang. We’ve got drama and tangled webs, but that doesn’t really matter. We’re friends and we’re there for each other. Nothing else matters after that.
SATURDAY, Dec 27: This was my parents’ Freedom Day. They got to spend the day with some friends, and even got some time in the house alone. My parents paid for my grandmothers and I to have lunch at a really nice, expensive winter resort in the mountains. I’ve decided its were I want to go on my honeymoon. My grandmothers think I should have a reception there too. It is wonderful. Half of the guest rooms have wood burning fire places in them. There are little lounges all over the place with their own fireplaces and overlook the lake. They had Christmas trees
all over the place, each one decorated differently. There was one that was decorated with popcorn and cranberries – on strings, shaped like stars and balls. Another one had different stuffed animals and little fake birds. Like the critters of the forest running all over a tree. The one in the Lake Lounge had ornaments made by hand with leftover wrapping scraps, like ribbons and paper and cards. They have a valet service and afternoon tea. The lunch was amazing as well. There are hiking trails, x-country skiing, a golf course, a huge spa and indoor pool, and a skating pavilion. Not a rink, a pavilion. We stuck mostly to the lounge and read our books. I had a good time, with only a few annoying moments sponspored by my grandmother. It was somewhat bittersweet though. I looked around at the couples and could imagine being there with someone special. Its extremely romantic without being obvious. I’m not sure how that can be, but they pull it off perfectly. I did enjoy the time with my grandmothers, but I kept imagining what it would feel like to be there with a husband instead of a grandmother. What it would feel like if I was sitting on the porch reading with my husband. Or how it would feel to have my husband bring me tea, instead of having to escort my grandmothers one at a time. Or being able to actually go hiking, even if it was a little cold. I did have a good time, don’t get me wrong. But it was definitly bittersweet.
A view of the shore of Lake Mohonk from the fourth floor.
Skating pavilion in the large building on the top of the hill.
SUNDAY, Dec 28: I’ve officially become one of those snobby people who look down on her parents. Also one of those people who have joined the family business and thinks she can do it better than her parents. I try not to act all high and mighty, and I think I’ve been pretty good at that. But what I do know is my instruments and my father does not. He wants me to play English horn over an organ that’s too loud and two brass instruments. I can’t outplay an organ, especially on an English horn. He doesn’t understand the function of each instrument or how to use them properly in any sort of context. It drives me nuts to see how much better everything could sound, but just doesn’t. After church, we went out to lunch at a nice restaurant my father often frequents. It was a birthday present to my grandmothers and me. The whole ordeal was relatively painless until Nana decided that she wanted to use the restroom, which was on the second floor. She has problems going up and down stairs, and the bathroom had one stall. My father and his mother waited downstairs for us. Since the bathroom was so small, I decided to wait downstairs. My grandmother sat there huffing in annoyance because it was taking so long. She couldn’t understand why it was so hard to get my other grandmother up and down the stairs. Its only flat surfaces on different levels. We had gone to the restaurant in two cars because my mother and I wanted to visit some friends in the hospital on the way home. An elderly couple from our church had both gone into the hospital just before Christmas. At 85 and 90 years old, they have no children and only a grand-nephew in California who helps them out when they really need it. The church is really their family, and takes care of them. It has caused some issues within the church, because some people are of the mind they need to do things on their own. These people don’t want the church to enable them to put off the hard decision of moving into a home or getting additional help. My dad and I are of the mind no one should tell the rest of us what to do. If we want to give them assistance, we are perfectly allowed to. The best example was with my mother. Over her break, she’s been doing their laundry – picking it up from the hospital, taking it home and bringing it back clean. These people at church told her she was enabling Bev to put off getting the help she really needed. It would put a strain on the church to help her when my mother could not. But Mom told Bev once school started up, she wouldn’t be able to do that anymore. Beverly completely understood and was perfectly aware she would need help when she went home. She wasn’t expecting this to happen when it did. She appreciated what help was being given and knew it wouldn’t, and couldn’t, last forever. It was only a few weeks of help people were giving her, while she figured out her next move. Which she did. Its another little piece of church politics that I’m not really looking forward to dealing with. Except I think I’ll actually do an okay job at it.
MONDAY, Dec 29: This was the day of adventures. My father and his mother went off to have lunch with his very first piano teacher. My mother, her mother and I had a plan. My aunt was coming into town to surprise my grandmother, so we drove to the airport to pick her up. Without telling my grandmother. She doesn’t know the area, and didn’t realize we were at the airport until we were basically pulling up to a terminal. My mom jumped out to get my aunt while I drove around the airport. When we pulled back up to the curb, my aunt opened the backdoor and said "Hi Mom!" My grandmother’s jaw dropped. We’ve got a great picture of her just sitting there with her mouth wide open. From the airport, we drove down to the Bronx to have lunch with my grandmother’s cousin, a Jesuit priest, at Fordham. The campus is beautiful and it was a wonderful weather. From the Bronx, we drove across the GWB to Jersey. Its not my first time driving in Manhattan, but its been a while. We didn’t get off the highways, so it really wasn’t that bad, but still. I don’t like to drive in the City if I don’t have to. The other option was to let my mother drive, which would have been much much worse. So I sucked it up. In Jersey, we went to my grandfather’s grave and then drove around visiting the graves of his parents and grandparents as well as my grandmother’s parents and grandparents. What are the chances that they would all be buried in the same graveyard, generations before my grandparents even met? From the graveyard, we went to one of the malls in Northern Jersey, mostly to look for a recital dress for me. After five dresses, I found it. FIVE DRESSES. This is something that usally takes five malls to find. Its like searching for the perfect wedding dress. It
s a purple dress that was also on sale. My parents give me a limit of $150 for the dress. Anything over that I have to pay. Which I think is more than fair. Although I hope my wedding dress budget is a little more… Anyways, at the second stop (Bloomingdale’s) I found one dress that was worth trying on. I happened to see the price tag before we entered the dressing room, and while the dress was lovely, it was way out of my price range. More than twice my parent’s budget. But I’ve learned you try the dress on anyways. You might learn something about your body and dresses. I learned I was willing to sell my soul for this dress. It was beautiful. It was an empire cut, purple with beading on the straps, waist and very bottom. I was so in love, and I am not a girl to fall in love with clothes. But there was no way I could afford it. The sales girl saw how much I liked it and said she thought it might be on sale. So we had her scan it to find out exactly how much my soul needed to sell for. Fourteen dollars. It was on sale and only fourteen dollars over my parents budget. I got a dress for more than 50% off. Amazing. I might actually be excited about my recital now. Nope. Not really.
TUESDAY, Dec 30: My mother was sick. There’s a stomach virus that’s been going around and she got it. She was miserable and pretty helpless. She and my aunt were supposed to drive the grandmothers to the airport, but could not while she was emptying her stomach every 45 minutes. So I had to cancel a PT appointment and take them. We decided to leave early to get food and get the old ladies away from all the germs. I took them to a diner on the way to the airport and we had a pretty okay time. Except that Grandma decided to sit in such a fashion that Nana’s deaf ear, rather than the hard-of-hearing ear, was nearest the conversation. Then at the airport, my aunt and I were trying to get Nana some assistance. Between the check-in area and the gates there are stairs and an escalator. Neither Grandma would be able to manage either of those things on either own. So Aunt and I were trying to get wheelchair assistance or something for Nana, and just some basic help for Grandma. Grandma kept insisting they would be fine on the stairs. Except she has next to no balance, and Nana already fell down the stairs the day before. She had missed the last step, but thankfully both my mother and I were standing there to catch her and no injury resulted. Eventually we located the elevator, and we able to leave them in safe hands. That evening Lu arrived at the house and I got some relief from my mother and aunt.
WEDNESDAY/THURSDAY Dec 31/Jan 1: Lu and I finished up some last minute shopping for the party and kept a safe distance from my mother. She was better than before, but still sick. No one wanted to share what she had. New Years was again much more tame than in past years with the same cast of characters showing up – Bubba, T-Bone, Nathan and Eric. I was definitely not sober when I went to bed, but nothing about the evening was fuzzy. At one point, Nathan and I were in the kitchen discussing our recent ailments and the drugs we were taking. We both stopped and realized how old and sad we’ve gotten. "My back’s been hurting and the doc gave me this." "Ahh, yeah. I was on that, but now I’m taking this other drug." It was also not even midnight and we were all exhausted. Its official. We’re getting old. At least we do it together rather than apart! My mother was recovered by New Years Day enough to spend some time with her sister and take her to the airport.
FRIDAY, Jan 2: Lu and I went down to the City for the day. She hadn’t been there since she was in 8th grade, and I do like seeing the tree. Besides that I do enjoy being in the City. So we took the train down and wandered around for a while. We went to Time’s Square and saw the ball. We went into the New York Public Library and I imagined my father spending time there while he was in law school. We also stopped off by the tree before heading up to Lincoln Center for a tour. From there, we met up with Manny and walked across the Park to the East Side to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. By this point, we were pretty tired and our feet were killing us. My whole left foot was basically numb due to the sciatica, which made balancing… well, interesting. We went thorugh the Met and hit the European art and the musical instrument section. By then, the sun had set and Top of the Rock was our next stop. While Manny does understand the city, he doesn’t know all of it as well as he thinks. We took the long way to the Museum and then headed downtown to the subway further from the Met. He also walks way too fast for two girls who had been walking as much as we had been. He says its his football background, as if he played all through high school and college. It makes him just want to go, dodging in and out of the crowd. But he was sweet to wait for us while we went up to the Top of the Rock. For those who would care to know, I prefer Empire State Building. The ESB has plaques around their observation deck telling you what you’re looking at. The Rock has thick glass rather than the bars, so it is easier to see the city, except you don’t know what you’re looking at. I would have prefered to been just that much further downtown. But it was fine. When we got down, Logan was waiting for us with Manny. We decided we wanted to get some food before leaving the city and Manny picked the place. It was the TGIFriday’s on Times Square and the boys were astounded at how high the prices were. Lu and I just rolled our eyes and split a burger. On the way to the subway, Manny continued his dodging and Lu went with him. Logan and I just strolled along, laughing at his anxiousness. For all his dashing about, we reached the station at the same time. As we walked along, I realized why Manny used to get so mad when Logan and I teased him about eloping. They are very similar, and had I known Logan before Manny, there is a chance I might have dated him instead. Luck of the draw I guess. It was nice to have a little bit of time, just Logan and I, to talk and get to know each other a bit. We left Logan and Manny on the subway at Grand Central. They continued to Brooklyn and we caught the Metro home. It was a good trip and I did enjoy myself, even if Manny got me annoyed. Cause, seriously, what else is new.
SATURDAY, Jan 3 – Lu left in the morning, and the house was almost back to normal. Dad had a firehouse meeting in a little country town, so Mom and I accompanied him. We had lunch in the little town diner, then went to the glass-blowing store. We even got a chance to watch them make… Well, we don’t know what exactly it was. Maybe a bowl or something, but they worked with the glass and it was cool to watch them. After that, Mom and
I went into the tea shop and sampled some of the teas they had. Mom bought me an Asian tea cup with infuser, along with a spoon and tea for my birthday. Things were going great. Until that migraine struck. I was absolutely fine one moment, then next I had pain shooting through my head. My mother was talking to me, and I was trying to focus on what she was saying, but I couldn’t really understand it. She said that my eyes looked really scary and it was obvious I was not okay. I took some Excedrin and the migraine receded within a few minutes. I’ve had migraines before that were way worse, but they usually build up. I’ve never been struck so suddenly so badly. It was kinda scary, but turned out okay. After a stop at a bookstore and little clothing store, we got back into the car and headed to a co-worker of my father’s. She had a baby just two weeks earlier and Mom had knitted baby boots and a caps. We stopped for a short while before returning home. For forced family time, it wasn’t all that painful. I mean, except for the migraine. But that wasn’t my parents fault.
Sunday, I’m going to Brooklyn for the night and meeting up with Eric for dinner on Monday. Manny and I are going to watch the Godfather Part II and just hang out. He’s already warned me we probably won’t do much besides relax in the apartment. After the two weeks I’ve had, I’m really quite okay with that. I’ll leave some time later in the week. Then my real vacation can begin.