BLIZZARD

Such strange things happening. Well, not really just random and busy things. I’ve been busy at work and my room is messy which is depressing and then I don’t want to be online. Anyway, updates since my last real entry…..

I’m honestly not sure. Last Monday was the horrid history exam, which was the same day as the huge blizzard. When we got to class snow showers had just started, nothing heavy. Reifler told us he was going to lecture and then give the test. People were pretty upset because we wanted to avoid the snow. Just about every other night class had been cancelled. At the break, I went outside and it was snowing pretty good. We started the test around 8:00 and I didn’t leave until 9:30. Most people left much earlier, and I couldn’t figure out how they managed to finish everything so quick. I usually don’t rush, but I’m usually among the first few to finish. I was the second to last person to leave. It made me nervous, like I had written too much and my essays would be totally off-base. And then the drive home. There was a good four inches on my car by the time I left and it was still snowing bad. Dad drove me to work on Tuesday cause I saw no reason in both of us driving in the snow. He had to come home at 5:30 anyways, so it wasn’t a big deal. I was hoping Vassar would be cancelled, but the following two weeks are their “Spring Break,” and Jim didn’t want to miss rehearsal. There was some tension there too.

The week before, Keira had stolen and hid his score to LSD (Fascinating Ribbons) so we wouldn’t have to play it. That Tuesday, she had sent an email to everyone in the band trying to start a mutiny. She told us, when he called for LSD, we should play Marriage of Figaro instead. She was hoping to promote band unity. On one hand, it was an amusing idea and it would make an “us against him” feeling. But on the other hand, its kind of petty and childish and makes Jim and enemy instead of an ally. Little Santero protested, saying that the trombones like LSD. Well, somebody snitched and told Jim what Keira had done. Jim gave us this big lecture about how immature it was and everything. I got a little upset because I think Jim thought I had something to do with it. While I don’t like LSD and I thought it was somewhat amusing, I didn’t have anything to do with it. After that night, there was a flurry of emails between the band members, each citing their opinions on LSD. Jay Lynch sent a pompous asshole answer that just proved to me what a jerk he really is. I was going to email the band with my two cents, but I declined. Instead I emailed Jim and tried to explain to him why I disliked LSD so much. To be honest, it is more because I don’t understand the piece than anything else. I don’t hear a melody or theme that I can follow. Its just random notes. I tried to kindly explain how he could perhaps make things easier. And not just with LSD. There are other songs that I believe have more meaning behind them. If the band as a whole could see that meaning, it would pull the pieces together. I think McN was good at that – making us see the larger picture in a piece of music. I think thats the difference between human composers and electronic composers. Humans have a theme or feeling or something behind the music, some reason for writing it. The computer writes a song because someone flipped a switch. This gets into the Moxy Fruvous’ theory on Kasparov vs. Deep Blue. Deep Blue is programmed to do one thing and he can do it faster and better than anything, just like most machines. They are made to work faster and better than humans. But if there is a fire in the room, Kasparov could run away and Deep Blue couldn’t. Its a long amusing thing they talk about on their live album. But I digress. Music is emotion and expression and feelings. Computers can’t bottle that and spit something out that is up to par with humans. Perhaps technically and mechanically, they can, but not emotionally and spiritually. Anyways, I explained it differently and hopefully better to Jim. I told him too I wasn’t trying to be big-headed and snot-nosed, I was just trying to help him to help us, for the good of the group. I haven’t heard back from him, so I don’t know what he thinks. Maybe we’ll get another lecture next rehearsal. At least I didn’t email the letter to everyone in the band! Yeah, so that was Tuesday…..

Thursday night I was so happy that my exam was over and English class Wednesday was over, I wanted to go out. I called Nathan, but his mom said he was at a fire call. I left my cell phone number and then prompty fell asleep. Which ended up being ok because it was a house fire and he was out until 11 or so. He called me on Friday though and we met up at the pool hall. He’s a pretty decent player, maybe a little better than I am, but thats ok. He’s not competative or anything. We had a really good time. He’s like my father in reference to the firehouse. They both love it so much. I think my dad has grown out of talking about his calls and the firehouse. Maybe he never did to begin with, but after 30 some-odd years he doesn’t talk a lot about it. Nathan loves the firehouse and it shows. He talks about calls and overhaul and everything associated with it. He’s also pretty patient with explaining what I don’t know. But he said its nice to talk to someone who knows quite a bit already. His mom and dad don’t really know anything or understand anything about it. He’s only been in the house for about 3 years and I think that makes a difference too. I’ve had 21 years of living with a firefighter, 100% of my lifetime. His parents have had 3 years of their lives living with a firefighter, which is probably about 7% of their lifetime. Nathan also doesn’t have a plectron. He just has a pager. So his parents probably don’t hear the calls 247 the way Mom and I do. Megan was laughing at me for getting involved with another fireman, but I don’t think Nathan and I will end up like that. Maybe I’m wrong, but who knows.

WE INTERRUPT THIS DIARY ENTRY FOR AN IMPORTANT ANNOUCEMENT. DUE TO BLIZZARD CONDITIONS, I’M GOING HOME!!!

Thank you. Your regularly scheduled diary will continue at a later date.

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hey there. Sorry I havent written in a while I just got back from NYC so i will have to write about that soon. Where the hell was there a blizzard?? and by the way I am completly stoked that you mentioned Moxy Fruvous!! Talk to you soon. Hope all your tests went well I am sure you did amazing!

Hope the tests went well and that the tension with the band is lessening….I think you explained it well and I think you’re right about the emotion and spirit behind music.

ryn: No you make PERFECT sense…I feel much the same way. I have read the Screwtape Letters and I agree. It sometimes feels “safer” when you are not as close to God…like the trials and temptations are less. But sometimes I wonder if it isn’t just MY perception of things is different when I am farther from God. I guess the great difficulty in understanding all this is that it’s something…

…we simply can’t know. Wouldn’t God protect us the closer we get to Him? Wouldn’t He allow good things in our lives? I still pray and struggle and love God but my “walk” is off kilter right now. It’s a constant struggle. And the Bible Study is hard for me b/c I feel so unworthy lately to be teaching…but perhaps you’re right…maybe I could learn instead. Thanks……

You have some great insight….and I always value and look forward to what you have to say. I appreciate it when someone can relate so clearly to what I am experiencing. Hopefully we will both find our way. : )

March 18, 2005

I would just like to take a moment to add… I HATE THE SNOW AND COLD WEATHER… Thank you and now I’m off to another entry *HUGS* *Heather*