and it builds and builds

Twelve in12

Reading
Queen’s Play ~ Dorothy Dunnett
Myst: The Book of Ti’ana ~ Rand Miller
Finished
Mirror, Mirror ~ Gregory Macguire
Witchling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Changeling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Something Wicked ~ Catherine Mulvany
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ~ J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ~ J.K. Rowling
Myst: Book of Atrus ~ Rand Miller, Robyn Miller and David Wingrove
The Game of Kings ~ Dorothy Dunnett

I’ve changed the books I’m reading. Well, at least my focus. I’m trying to get through a single book as opposed to reading three or four at once. Perhaps I’ll actually get through a book in less than a month.

I’m still struggling with my Spanish class. I’m remembering German I don’t think I ever knew when I was actually in German class. Making me a little nuts, but I found a way to actually learn these words. Now if only the heat would break, so I could practice and sleep. I’m seriously considering taking my flashcards to the air-conditioned bar and studying there. Sad, but I need it!

Speaking of my oboe, I started a blog about oboe geekiness stuff and a blog of daily update stuff for my family consumption. In an attempt to keep the line between OD and RL thick enough, I’m not going to post the links here. But most of my family knows I keep an online diary and they aren’t allowed to see it. I need the seperation because I need a place to vent; a place to be honest about my struggle with bipolarism – though I’m not always. I’m working on that. But my grandmother especially hates the fact that I have this diary. She says I’ll tell perfect strangers about my life but not her? So, I started this blog. Hopefully it will make her back off and keep her happy. We’ll see.

Again, speaking of my oboe – There’s something wrong with my baby. I’ve started recording my practices and becoming extremely picky with my playing. On one hand this is extremely good, as it will help me learn how to improve my playing without someone constantly looking over my shoulder. Well, that’s not true. I’m the one looking over my shoulder, but I’ll be less dependent on other people for help. Anyways – there’s blips in my playing. Blips I’m not able to fix or get rid of. There’s notes that are becoming more and more difficult to get out. Oboes are like cars. They need oil changes and tune-ups. I’m pretty sure my baby is in desperate need of a tune-up. Its getting so bad its more and more difficult to practice well. Think of a car engine that has run out of coolant. It will still run, but not quite the way it should. You don’t really want to use it until its fixed. Such is the like with my baby right now. And I probably won’t get it taken care of until I go home in July. **Sigh**

Sunday is Father’s Day, and nearly the one year anniversary of my grandfather’s death. My father is going down to be with my grandmother, so hopefully she’ll be okay. Lately she’s been distracted from that grief as my cousin, Lauren has been in the hospital for the past week and a half. She had a sinus infection which spread into her brain cavity. Good news is they caught it early and seemed to have stopped it spreading. Bad news is she’s not getting better and they don’t know what the bacteria is yet. She’s been on some basic heavy duty drugs to fight the infection, but until they know what they’re fighting, its pretty hard to help her get better. She was put into isolation a few days ago because the drugs have lowered her white blood count, leaving her vulnerable to other illnesses – even though she’s on the drugs. Its not strict isolation, so her parents can still be in the room with her, but she can’t leave. She’s only nine and starting to get cabin fever. I’m trying not to panic, but when she went into the hospital the doctors said she’d be there no more than a week. Tomorrow will be Day 12 for her.

I’m holding off the panic, but I often feel like I’m about to burst into tears. I hate that feeling. It also makes prepping for grad school difficult, as I start having anxiety attacks when I’m working on it. I’ve limited myself to an hour a day of grad school prep and nothing more. It means I can get something done without flipping out or becoming frozen with fear.

But eventually, this will all take it’s toll and I’ll crack. Good news – I’m still on my meds. Hopefully, they’ll help control the fallout.