and give me back my broken parts

I’m in a bit of an odd mood.  I don’t know what I need.  Well, thats not really correct.  I need James and Kelly and Mouse.  To just be in a space with those people and relax together.  Sad that I can’t have that right now.  Even with people in Michigan.

I played Elizabeth today for the first time since my cousin’s wedding in June.  Yes, its really been that long.  But there is a level of it being a bicycle.  You just get on and go.  I played for about an hour, badly, but consistently.  I need to work out and exercise all those creaky musical joints.  But it felt familiar and wonderful to play.  Like coming home in a way that I haven’t in a while.  I think this mood has something to do with the fact that its nearly 2 in the morning and I’ve been riding the high of my new church job all week long.  Eventually the bottom needs to fall out.  I know its coming, I just wish I knew how I’ll deal with it when it happens.

I think thats my biggest fear right now.  I’m going to get depressed and anti-social again.  Its going to happen, because it always does.  Thats just part of being me.  The trick is to find a way to deal with it and keep living.  If I could just check into a time warp every time it happens and pause my life (bills, cat, school, work, etc) I would be fine.  But life keeps moving and I need to find a way to keep going too.  At Fred, it was a few things, although not a perfect set-up either.  I had James and Mouse and church.  James would just come and be with me.  He’d come over and watch a baseball game or have dinner or listen to records.  It didn’t have to be a thing.  Newfie would just come over and study on my couch.  

And I’m officially sick of talking about the past.  

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today

Open me up and you will see
I’m a gallery of broken hearts
I’m beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts

I just want to know today, know today, know today
I just want to know something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok

Open me up and you will see
I’m a gallery of broken hearts
I’m beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts

Just give me back my pieces
Just give them back to me please
Just give me back my pieces
And let me hold my broken parts

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok

Be Ok ~ Ingrid Michaelson

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