Alone

I’m scum I know. I haven’t written cause I’ve been busy lately. I can’t go online anymore at work because of my stupid boss. She has this new software on her computer that lets her track when people go online and what websites they go to. It sucks majorly, but thats the way things go. She doesn’t trust anyone except the people who lie. Its ridiculous. She got mad at me on Friday because I was upstairs talking to Pat. Pat was out for the three days prior and I had been covering her work for her. I wanted to go over quick with Pat what I had done so she knew what had gone on. We weren’t socializing, we were talking shop. And Val comes storming up, “What are you doing? You shouldn’t be socializing. You should be working.” We weren’t socializing, we were working. But Val could have cared fucking less. And then, the errand girl, Alison, had Friday off for her birthday. So Val asked that I help give the receptionist, Chris, her breaks. I haven’t been doing my work for fucking three days so I was majorly behind, but whatever. I smiled and said no problem. And I did. I covered for Chris two or three times so she could go pee and get coffee. No fucking complaining. Not a sigh or anything. Then Mo told me that Val told her to mention to me that I might need to do errands. That was the end of that. At 3:15 (errands are at 3) I notice there is still one thing in the errand basket and Val is in her office chatting away with someone. Mo told me I should just take it. But I was pissed because I was behind already and now I had to take about 45 mins to do something else. I didn’t want the attorney who needed the errand done to be punished so I went to take it. Julia knew I was busy and she really wasn’t, so she offered to take it for me. She went to go tell Val. “I’m going to run this errand since Kate is really busy and my attorney has already left for the weekend.” And Val looks at me, like Why in the world are you so damn busy?! HELLO!!! I was working for someone else the past three days. That’s three days of obituaries to check on my slow ass computer and three days of wills that need to be conformed and closed out. And she could’t figure out why I was so fucking busy. Not to mention that I sat at the front desk for an hour this morning during that damn secretary meeting. Susan, thankfully, offered to help out with my obituaries and Julia was taking my errand. But Val never fucking asked me to take the errands in the first place. It pissed the hell out of me. I mean, if she had said, “Oh sorry I forgot to ask you….” but she didn’t even say that. She was like actually surprised that I was busy. Well, maybe because of all the fucking projects you keep giving me BITCH! And these are projects of basically FIXING other people’s mistakes. It just really pisses me off that she couldn’t even take the time to ask me or give me the respect to ask me. Or even to stop and think that I’ve been really busy since I was covering for someone else the past three days. Its just amazing. The fact that she thought I was late this morning and fucking around instead of doing work and then that I was just going to pick up the extra slack everywhere around the office. I do my job and help out when I can. It really pissed me off. But of course, I kept the smile and professionalism up because thats what the office expects. It still pissed me off. And nothing in the office has pissed me off the way Val has been treating me and the other long-term secretaries. Its complete and utter disrespect, when we’ve shown her nothing but respect. I hate being treated like that. ARG! I’m not like the other dumb shits in that office who do nothing all day long and piss in the wind.
BREATHE
Ok I feel a little better. Its probably going to bother me for a while, but what am I to do about it. I can’t talk to anyone because then I’ll be accused (by only Val) of seeking favoritism. I’m not. I just want some damn respect. I don’t ask for much, I really don’t. But I don’t think being treated with the same respect every other secretrary gets treated is being treated to favoritism. Its called professionalism I think. Ok….ok….I’m done. Really this time.

I baby sat this weekend and the kids totally wore me out. Jeremiah is 5 years old and Elaina is 3 years old. They are adorable, but very active. And it was raining all day Saturday, so we had to stay inside. But I made it. And I even got the kids to relax and kinda nap for a while. So it was good. Jeremiah definitly pushes the limit though. He’s the kind of kid who knows what he shouldn’t be doing, but he’ll do it anyway while looking right at you to see what you’ll do about it. Elaina is an angel for the most part. I think I had to “be stern” with her only once or twice the entire day. They are good kids really. And I got money which is always nice.

I wanna be loved though. The kids love me, but I want a guy to love me. Or at least be interested in me and want to be around me and what not. I just don’t see it in the cards for me right now. No ones interested, and in the long run I’m probably better off.

But I’m standing in a room
Crowded with friends and family
And I’ve never felt so alone….