Abstract Story

Sara took another pull on her cigarette as he walked up the porch steps.

“Your bags are in the backroom. I can’t go inside with the cigarette.”

He said nothing and went into the house. She kept her feet on the railing and rocked away. He came out and put the bags on the porch. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.” She shrugged her shoulders. He could see her knuckles, shining white against her hands. “I didn’t know I would be leaving so soon.”

She interrupted him with a wave of her hand. “When?”

“When what?”

“When did this whole thing with her start?”

“After I left here. I didn’t expect it to happen, but her dad…”

Another wave of her hand silenced him. “How long are you gone?”

“Until February.”

“I thought you wanted to be home for Christmas.” Her voice was bitter.

“I do, but its not going to work this year.”

She nodded and stood up, flicking her cigarette over the railing. “Take care of yourself, ok?” She opened her arms and let him give her a hug. She meant to only hold him for a moment, but his heady smell filled her and she clung to him.

“I will.”

“Have a safe trip.” She released him and stepped back. He nodded and picked up his bags.

She watched him walk down the steps and out to the driveway. Not until the carlights had disappeared did she dial Megan’s number.

“She’s out, but I’ll let her know you called.” She hung up the phone and sat unhappily, trying not to cry.

The phone rang in her hand, surprising her. It wasn’t Megan, but Louis. She was supposed to go watch a movie with him.

“Whats wrong?” He could always tell when something was bothering her.

She didn’t want to tell him, but knew he wouldn’t leave her alone until she did.

“Mitch got back together his old girlfriend and he’s leaving for Hawaii tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry, babe.”

“I’m just not in the mood to go out right now.”

“I understand. Let me tell you about Russ’s film project….”

He babbled on about film shots and frames, until she got tired of not listening to him. “I have to go. I’ll call you later.”

They hung up and she dialed Megan’s number again. The tears she had held back for so long were now pouring down her face.

“She’s not back yet…Oh, wait. She just walked in the door.”

She could hear him tell Megan it was important. “What’s wrong?”

The whole story came blurting out, but the tears were over. She was just mad now. “His ex-girlfriend! The day after we had the most amazing night of sex and conversation. Wham, bam, thank you m’am. I don’t know what is wrong with him!”

“He’s a loser and you can do so much better. He never gave you a commitment. And he told you he hates having a commitment. I don’t think it will work out.”

“I’m just beyond caring right now. I just want to hurt him. I want him to suffer.”

**************************************

Mitch didn’t suffer. He went to Hawaii and got a great tan. Sara stayed in New York and threw herself into school. Neurotically, she studied and worked, ignoring any guy who showed the slightest bit of interest in her.

“You should go for Greg. He’s really nice and he seems to be spending a lot of time with you,” Nikki said one night.

“Yeah, he helps me study. I’m much happier as friends. Less complicated and less mess. I’m not in the mood for a boyfriend. I just want to go away to school. I need the grades to be able to do that. I have no time for a boyfriend.”

Mitch’s words haunted her though. “You’re a bit selfish sometimes.” This was rich coming from a guy who lived solely for himself and his motorcycle, but it still affected her.

Her friends complained she never came out and they never got to see her, but Sara just worked harder. She spent hours and hours pouring over her economic books and reading psychology books.

Her hard work did pay off. She finished the semester with a 3.75 and the good possibility of going away to school. Yet her friends had dwindled in number and any chance of romance had passed her by.

She spent her vacation waiting. Waiting and waiting to hear from the college of her choice. Everyone around her seemed to be moving forward while she just hung still in the air, waiting for the acceptance letter.

“I have too much time to think. I showed pictures of my ex, Todd, to my friends on New Years Eve. I think the mix of alcohol and being noticably single got to me. I remember how great Tim and I were together…..

*********************************

He was perfect. Six foot five in stocking feet with the tiniest cutest ears ever. I had always been the one taking care of everyone in high school. He was the first one to insist that someone, mainly him, be allowed to take care of me. He would bring me flowers and presents, not making me feel spoiled just loved. He really really took care of me. He would wake me up and get me to church each Sunday, where I usually cried my eyes out. Their pastor always seemed to get to me somehow. Todd was wonderful, letting me alone with my thoughts on the long car ride back.

He went with me to my senior prom and was such a great sport about the whole thing. My friend, Joe, wanted to go with Kathy, but her parents were concerned since she was so young. They asked me to “chaperone” the night, and Todd went along like such a good sport. He was the perfect date, letting Louis have a dance with me.

He never was the jealous type to begin with. His attitude was “I already have you. What do I have to worry about?” It was good since I had a good number of guy friends in high school.

I remember the first time he told me he loved me. I had spent the week at a music conference, stealing moments to call him from the lobby payphone. When I got home, I called him and we made plans to see each other the next day. He said he had something to tell me, but he wanted it to be in person. I wasn’t sure if I should be scared or excited. Honestly, I was more tired than anything else. We hung up and a few moments later the phone rang. He didn’t want to wait. I remember the warmth that filled me from toe to the tips of my hair. He said I didn’t have to say anything back. He didn’t want it to be a reaction to him saying it. In my own time and my own way.

I was happy and completely terrified. I was afraid of him breaking my heart. I was afraid of breaking his heart. Mostly, I was afraid of something tearing us apart.

I should have gone with that fear, because he did break my heart. And not just drop and crack it. He threw it full force at a concrete floor, then stomped up and down on it, just to make sure I got it. Its never been the same since.

Caroline: You love with your mind and soul, not you heart.
Adam: [Touching his chest] Then how come I hurt here when you’re not with me?

*************************************

“I hurt there, but its permanent. Now I’m not sure I’m even capable of love anymore.”

Sara was sitting at the diner with Benjamin, eating pancakes and drinking coffee.

“Don’t say that. You love so much I cansee it on your face.”

“Yeah, but I’m not willing to accept love back. I’m afraid it won’t be as wonderful as it was with Todd. It won’t be as pure.”

“He was your first true love. I don’t think anything is that pure.”

“Well, that just sucks, doesn’t it.”