A Wail of Sorrow

I’m back and I’ve also released all my backed previosly private entries as well, if you’d like to read them.

I got a call around 11:45 Friday morning from the admissions office at Fredonia. My GPA falls .05 short of requirement, so my audition had to be cancelled. I sat in my dad’s office for about an hour and cried. He was coming back from a closing, so he wasn’t there right away. I tried to get in contact with my mom as well. She was suppose to be getting sandwiches for our trip out there. But her cell phone was turned off. I cried and cried. It hurt so much, all I wanted to do was cut the pain out of my skin. But all I could do was cry. I wanted to go home, but I ended up finishing out the day. I called my mom asked her to see if Jenny could see me. I went down and told Val that if Jenny could see me I was going to go. She was pretty understanding. I ended up talking to Jenny for about 30 minutes in an empty office because that was all the time she had. Which was enough for the moment. I mean, I’m really upset, but I can’t let this control the rest of my life.

The admissions lady said that I needed to stay at DCC for another semester but could try coming out for the spring semester. Its really frustrating and its the last thing I want right now. I’ve spent the day wallowing in my bedroom. I’ve only told Megan about what happened. I’m not quite ready to tell anyone else yet. Course my mother has already told my grandmother, Mrs. Purdy and who knows who else. That annoys me. That I’ve told basically no one and she’s already told all of her friends. Its one of my biggest problems with her.

Anyways, I should get some sleep. I have to actually face the world on Sunday and Monday I have work. I just don’t want to have to tell anyone about all this, or talk about, or be analyzed. They will all have their solutions and their fix-it answers. And honestly, I just don’t want to hear it. They don’t know all the reasons and all the things that go on behind the plain and simple fact that I didn’t get in to my audition.

My life is so much more complicated than that.