8/9/08

Twelve in12

Reading
Queen’s Play ~ Dorothy Dunnett
Pride and Prejudice ~ Jane Austen
Uther ~ Jack Whyte

Finished
Mirror, Mirror ~ Gregory Macguire
Witchling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Changeling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Something Wicked ~ Catherine Mulvany
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ~ J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ~ J.K. Rowling
Myst: Book of Atrus ~ Rand Miller, Robyn Miller and David Wingrove
The Game of Kings ~ Dorothy Dunnett
The Other Boleyn Girl ~ Philippa Gregory

My dad made a suggestion to me the other day which has been festering.  I’ve been busy, but have had time to think about it.  He asked if I’ve considered looking into grad school for church musicians and getting a degree in worship, etc.  Its something I’ve really never considered.  I always thought I’d work full-time on oboe and church would be a side thing.  But why can’t that be switched?  I always regret that I can’t spend more time on church stuff.

I don’t know that I know the answers, but this is really something.  I’ve started looking into schools that have the program I need.  And surprise of all surprise, one of the best options so far happens to be the school that I attended right out of high school.  I was there one semester and left.  How strange would it be if I ended up back where I started.  A lot of things have changed since I first attended, both with the school and with me.  I think it really could be a possibility.

I’ve never felt so right, so good about anything.  Everything else I’ve done has always been forced, made into a dream that I thought I had.  But this actually feels like it fits.  I can’t even explain the feeling.  I’m apprehensive, scared, worried, and unbelievably excited. 

I still don’t know if this is going to work.  But rather than trying to find reasons and explainations to why I should do it, trying to convince myself this is a good idea, I’m doing the opposite.  I’m trying to figure out why this is a bad idea and poke holes in the plan.  And its not perfect and its not easy.  But even with all the problems that might come up, I think this might actually work out.  I’ve never felt this way about a career in oboe.  That’s always been such a long shot to me; so out there and nearly unreachable.  I still love to play and I will always play my oboe.  But its out there.  Its like my desire to be a space traveler or a math teacher or an international spy.  Yeah, I could probably do anything I put my mind to.  But if my heart’s not there it really won’t work.  I’m starting to think that maybe this is really where my heart is.  Could I have actually found it?  Its been staring me in the face for my whole life and somehow I missed it.  Typical!