7/25/07

Lately I’ve been concentrating on work and staying busy, which hasn’t been that hard. I’ve been getting called in for 3-4 night shifts a week and I’ve been filling up my free time with friends and other things.

Jeff has been really busy, even Joe (one of his really good friends) hasn’t seem him much lately. When Joe told me that Jeff just got out of a 4 yr relationship only a few months ago, I decided then and there to take a step back. But then people told me not to do that, because then he’d think I wasn’t interested. I never know what to do with guys, so I just go with it, take it day by day. Do my own thing, and every so often I send him a text msg just to keep in touch and let him know that I’m still thinking about him.

The past couple weeks since I found out his situation, I’ve had a lot of time to think about things. Part of me really just gave up on the whole idea of him and I. Today when I got home from work just after 7am, on the spur of the moment I got the urge to msg him and ask if he wanted to hang out. He pretty much replied right away and said sure, and asked me if I wanted to go for a ride on his harley, something we’ve been planning on doing since we met. After I replied back I went to bed and had the most crazy, intense dream about him.

When I woke up, my sleepy mind was all disappointed when I realized it had all been a dream. Reality sucks sometimes.  

Later on in the day, his bike broke down though so we weren’t able to go. He called me though and at first I didn’t even recognize his voice since I don’t think I’ve actually spoken to him over the phone before. Hopefully his bike will be fixed in the next few days since we’re supposed to go out of town in a couple weeks.

Nothing too spectacular is going on in my life right now, mostly just working and hanging out with friends. We’re planning a quick camping trip this weekend, just a little ways up the road from Jeff’s, so I’m hoping he makes it up to hang with us for a little while.

I got new tattoos, so now my left forearm is fully covered. That cost me a pretty penny; so far my left arm has about $850 of ink on it and it’s only half done.

I just seem to be going through a weird phase in my life. Finally I’m being more like myself than I ever have been. I got rid of my blonde hair a couple months ago, just shortly before I met Jeff. Now it’s bright cherry red and black, it looks really cool but it’s definately different from my usual. I’m dressing different, I’ve become more comfortable in my skin and I guess that now I really don’t care what people think of me. Ok, well that’s not true..I still do to an extent. I won’t go to the bar anymore because I don’t fit in. I don’t look like all the 19 yr old skinny blonde barbie doll types, and that’s probably a good thing since who really wants to be a clone?

I think right now I just need a good man-cuddle.

I’m supposed to go visit my friend Kevin next month (he and I have a long, 10 yr history of crushing on each other that led us to hook up a couple times) Plus this other guy I’ve been talking to online for 3 yrs wants me to come visit him when I go down there, and that dude is HOT. He’s in a band, he plays guitar and sings. I wouldn’t mind meeting him, and having a little fun with him. That’s something I never ever do. I need some attention and affection, I’ve been single since March (Vince doesn’t count).

I guess I’m just gonna wait and see what happens with Jeff and I, if we actually do go away for a couple days. I think I’ll have a pretty good idea what direction to take. I can’t wait forever.