….

I told him how I felt. I probably should have said nothing but I’m just too honest and upfront. I know he likes me, and I know I like him, but he’s not in a good situation in which he’s looking for anything, and that’s what he told me.

I know I’m not either. I told myself over and over that I just don’t need a guy in my head right now I need to get my life straightened out. The last thing I need is to have something that distracts me from school and getting my life together.

When it’s so rare for me to even find someone I like, it really hurts when things don’t work out. I’m sure it’s for the best, and you never know what can happen. Maybe someday things will be different.

I think the whole problem is me just being lonely. That’s the part that really sucks and drives me crazy. Some girls have one boyfriend after another…and I just always stay alone. I don’t really get it..I’m not ugly or anything. Just seems that my life is just meant to be spent alone. It sucks when all your friends are paired up and you’re not…makes one think there’s something wrong.

I’m one of the worst people to be single. I over-analyze, over-obsess, and let my feelings get the best of me. I’m in one of my depressions again. It’s times like these that make me have those thoughts about cutting myself again, but I just need to stop that self destructive crap. I’m gonna go and start getting my arms tattooed so I can’t do that anymore. It’s a stupid way to get my pain out. 

I want to find someone special and have a relationship, but I just don’t think it’s going to happen for some reason. I think I’m just one of those people who are meant to be alone.