June 25, 2006

6/26/06

You know what sucks? People. People suck. I’ve come to the conclusion that people generally don’t give a shit about other people except themselves. People are messy and ignorant. And people are generally not too smart either. And yet, I’m going to be a nurse, where I get paid to take care of whiny, sick people. Why do I care enough to dedicate $20,000 and 11 1/2 months in my life to end up in a career where I’m gonna care so damn much about people I don’t know, that I’m gonna get major nurse burnout in 5 years and end up hating my job and wanting to kill myself?

I guess the answer is because unlike most people, I am unselfish, real, and I want to make a difference in this crazy world. Maybe I’m a little weird for wanting to deal with peoples bodily secretions. Maybe I’m a little crazy for wanting to poke people with needles everyday, and bathe them when they can’t bathe themselves. Or feed them when they’re so hungry but just can’t get the food into their mouths. Or hold their hand while their laying in bed, sick with whatever, and scared they won’t get better. Or just to tell them that I really do care about them and I’m gonna stay by their side and do my best to make sure they do get well again. And even if I can’t, just to be there for them and their familes, laugh with them, and even cry with them.

I don’t know what the whole point of this entry is. I guess it’s to say something that actually matters. Just the honest truth that no matter how fucked up I let myself get, and no matter how jaded I am about life and love, there is still that part of me that holds onto the hope that maybe someday, I’ll be able to bring at least a little bit of comfort and peace to someone who needs it.

I guess that’s all I can really hope for.

Nice entry

*Usagi*

June 27, 2006

Awwww that’s sweet entry! It made me feel warm inside seriously no lie. I hope you do make a different in this world. Lord knows we need it! Take care girl *hugs* Love, erin <3

Hey, I have a HUUUUUGE amount of respect for Nurses and people who want to become Nurses. I truly admire people who can go and work at a nursing home and love what they do. In High School I wanted to be a Nurse myself and started out in the Certified Nurse Aide program they had there. Well, part of our training was at a nursing home and I almost completed my hours but never finished because of my

anxiety program. I still could go back if I am ever able but I have already chosen not to because for me it just didnt fit. Just that made my respect for the Nurses who do get up and do those jobs every day sky rocket. Caring about people that much and being able to do that is a big deal. And you’re right about most people just looking out for number one. Its really sad so its nice to know that

there are people out there like you. As for myself I still have dreams of visiting childrens hospitals with terminally ill kids…I want to shower them with teddy bears and other gifts. =) Kids are so much stronger than most people give them credit for. Good luck to you!

I meant anxiety ‘problem’ not ‘program’ up there^^ Sorry!

RYN: Well I’ll tell you…it definitely was hard physically when I did it but it was the emotional part that got me. Im not sure why it is that I could visit dying children and not dying old people…it seems so mean and unfair. But the old people that I worked with were unhappy, suicidal, delusional…and quite frankly it just really scared me. I deal with enough of that within myself and

to be around it constantly in that way and then with other people…I just never got a break from it. But yeah, I definitely applaud you. You’re doing an awesome thing! (I’ve also read many of your posts on the board and you seem to be a very caring person which is essential.)

boards** Again, sorry! (I hate typos!!)