you look like you might not last the day

i thought maybe she wanted to forget that time in her life. now i am thinking she just wants to forget about me. i’ve lost friends for way less than this, and i guess that’s all i have to say.

i have no concept of time anymore. everything seems so long ago, months feel like weeks and the calendar always suprises me.  maybe if i wasnt always trying to put everything behind me, life wouldnt always seem like it is passing me by. the pictures, they made me laugh. and for the first time in a long time, i cried. i cried and i let myself for a minute or two, let myself remember, let myself conciously wonder where everything went wrong, and then i put it away and put it behind me and continued to try and forget about forgotten.

in reality nothing is changing. everyday turns in to a duplicate of the one before. it’s redundant, and it’s boring a lot of the time, but i feel myself getting happier some days.  finding things to look forward to when there really is never much of anything. feeling close with people, being honest most of the time. i still hold a lot of things in, because i dont trust as easily anymore, a lesson i had always wanted to learn in the past.

while i have no muse other than boredom, words are still constantly going through my head. stories, poetic thoughts, music.

so i know i have not yet lost all hope.