words are only words.

it kills me cause sometimes i remember, though most of the time i don’t
all the little things that have made me me,

the innocently fragile things that have happened
that would always push me on, always push me forward,

that chance of hope and dreams and luck
like i was owed something, so i must press on.
now everything is life changing and earth shattering and everything means something
and it will never go back to the way it was or who i was.

one day it turned in to something running couldnt solve.

no matter how far away i am, i will always be right here.

and what is holding us together could be the very thing that tears us apart, if something goes wrong, it will be my fault. and nothing, nothing will ever be the same after that.
and if all goes well we will have something completely different to hold us together, wether we like it not. we will always have to think before we do, we are never free and we will spend each day wondering if its a little bit better than it had been before.

it wouldbe more of a time to just let things go and try to not harbor any annomosity.

but mostly now i need to deal with myself. this mess of what was once me, and this growing hate i have for every thought that runs through my mind and this resentment that i kick myself for and these felings of wether or not i am normal.

someone told me if you dont take care of yourself, who will?
but what if you dont take care of you.

what if you just let yourself go, and slip a little furthur in to oblivion.

im not sure what it would take to get me out.

it’s been a long time since ive ever wanted to admit to anyone that i needed them.
maybe cause i remember what happened last time.

or maybe cause i dont want to admit that i could use you to hold me together tonight.

i could use something.

"the mistrust of heights is really the mistrust of self, you don’t know wether you are going to jump"-white oleander