perhaps.

it isn’t new that
reality seemed to bore me
and desperate times call for
drastic measures
and that is the only thing that makes me
feel better.
i find i must lose something
in order to gain anything else.
i’ve become accustomed to letting
things go.

often i tend to become indecisive,
finding myself feeling indifferent
about things i used to love
the few things i ever have
the power to change.

feeling happy with myself
doesn’t ever feel like
the problem
and i am afraid
that perhaps im in denial
perhaps all i am trying to do
is make myself happy
without knowing it.
perhaps i’m
letting go of the only things
i am capable of letting go of.

but i’ll never know
until i find something
that makes me
hold on.