only the good die young.

i re-read 2002 and think about you. how could you be gone? i believe you single handedly made me a part of who i am today, though most of it is no one’s fault but my own. we stayed friends forever, no matter how our relationship ended and where we went. though we talked through messages and i haven’t seen you since slippery rock, i’ve missed you for such a long time. now that i can never see you again, i go through all the coulda, woulda, shouldas, and silently hate myself. you kept such a positive appearence while you were spiraling downward and i hate myself for not knowing. you were the first person i felt comfortble with, being an awkward teenager, that always meant a lot to me. we would talk and smoke and trip and we understood one another. we ran away together. you never judged me, not ever. i remember when you were sent away and i was so scared because i didnt know where you were or if you’d ever be ok again. and now you never will be.

how could i have not known how badly you were hurting? why couldnt i have been there? how could you go from 6 months clean to dead, in the same day?

i hope you know, i’ve always loved you.

rip, sweetheart. you didn’t know it, but you were always better than everyone else.