it rarely comes, and always goes,

some days i feel like i could just keep driving, putting distance between myself and everything else. between my hopes and my fears, what i have accomplished, what i have failed. all the things i have questioned and all the things ive blocked out. i dont want to go home, but i have no where to go except down the roads that i hate, or the ones i dont know. i cant stay here,because here isnt a place, its a state of mind, that keeps me going and wishing and craving. leaving me so unsatisfied, bitter like beer, like the pills i swallow to make my eyes heavy, everything else numb. i dont know where the pain comes from, creeps up my spine,in to my shoulder blades, in to the back of my mind where it hangs itself on everything that has gone wrong. ive stopped remembering, not forgetting, just not rewinding, not thinking about the future, not dwelling on the past. i havent really gone up but i dont see myself falling, dont feel myself regressing, or progressing and when i cry i cant feel the tears, numbed by my biggest fears, my lack of desire for anymore at this point in time. i know its just me, usually, its always just me and im running out of places to run to and i promised myself if the only thing that keeps me stable breaks, i will be gone.i will float out of here as if the steel city hadnt entered my blood, my heart. my soul (somewhere). my life has turned in to a place where the light is always too bright and the dark is always darker. where the key is never submission, but submission is always the key. a place where you hide all of your tears, where you hide inside of your fears, waiting to crawl out of all the fucked up years. its like the commercial where everyone is trapped inbetween here and home, happiness,love, success….something, somewhere. if you give just a little bit of yourself then you can become the person you want to be. but when you give too much you become too much of nothing. it has nothing to do with a situation, everything to do with a state of mind.

the state that you thought you just kept driving through.