5/6/08

i exist completely under pressure of the problems that keep me up at night and force me out of bed in the morning. my existence has become much of a waste, a burden for some, a game to most. i kept saying i knew how to play the game but i lost my mind in superstitions and dumb decisions and constant ways out. im in a place trapped by karma and the conclusion of  all the things i messed up once and all the things i failed to be. my motivation, my inspiration has all been blocked by procrastination and no one minds bringing that up everyday. my sanity is running out while i find nothing to do but drive around and wait till i run out of gas and energy and drive. i always know whats going to happen though i refuse to believe it till it happens and i always cry about how i know that i am smarter, better than this, and that, and me.i am a child, they like to say, with a whole life of life still on the way. but i can never get over yesterday. and i am always hating today.