1/1/08

there is not a moment that goes by that i dont feel at least a shred of guilt for one thing or another.

most of which i have no control over. he will never realize that i didn’t mean to feel this way. he will never understand that when i start to feel trapped, unhappy with my life, i run. fast. and try to never look back. he will never know that i purposely made myself that way a long time ago and even if i wanted to change, i couldnt. and maybe i am ok with that.

i always rebuild. (to some degree).

(enough).

and that is the only way to know that i am going somewhere. even if it’s just the next town over.
(for the 4th time).

he doesn’t know that i see it in my sleeping pattern. i am never awake anymore.  (if it wasnt for my job i wouldnt even know i was alive).