12/23/04

siniking slightly lower in my stomache, aching pain rolling over me like a train. Can’t stop the beat thats flowing through my head. I read the letters you wrote me sealed fully with your crimson lips. My eyes shift slightly watching those hips. I came to a conclusion that i miss everything about you.

Stagnent water thats what this is like can’t move forward and back is just too far of a climb. Limbs so weak from precarious positions on nightly basis I find that it’s better to just sit by and bide my time watching you from across the room seeing how you bend them to your will. Shrill crying comming from my soul. Pouring from that hole you left me with gapping inside of me.

It’s not fair to pin this all on you, i drew some blood and wrote it down forever stained with falling down on my knees. It’s like you just seized everything inside of me. Held it up for ransom. auctioned off the best part of me. Nothin now but  broken down, piecs of me shattered like glass. shards of truth stabbing into my skin it’s just this truth now seems so thin.

I guess you could say im a romantic. I’d wine and dine and take you out for the night. I’d like to show you off. Lovely lips licking indecient propositions in disguise. It’s a ruse held up under a microscope, fake impressions false accusations, hidden meanings decietful glances. My best chances are that i’ll throw it away in hopes for another day.

fucked up. falling down round about ways to just listen to what i have to say. Slide through it all into some unending night. She was right all along, bring myself near to the point and then jsut kick back and wait for dawn. Thicker skin, drowning in this bottle of gin. wishing i could stop this fight i’m having from within, its gone again.