Why would I do that to myself?

     I am laying here naked on my bed. I look down and I see my ribs sticking out of my pale body awkwardly. I am not starved, nor underweight, it is simply the position I am laying that makes them stick out so.

      But memories flash through my mind and I am strongly reminded of the small, pale, starved child I once was. How innocent of the world I used to be and I remember before I could comprehend what it meant to be too pale, too small, too skinny, too spacey, too strange, too ugly, too crazy, too slutty, too obsessive, too pretty, too smart, too stupid, too tense, too much of a loner, too social, too funny, too rich, too poor, too quiet, too loud, too drunk, too stoned, too goofy, too smelly, too emotional, too emotionless, too violent, too well-read, too improper, too well-mannered, too girly, too masculine, too fake, too open, too caring, too generous, too trusting, too detail oriented, too unorganized…I do’nt think I need to go on.

      I am strongly reminded a little of these things matter and why I have not been strong enough to respect myself more. I am wondering why I would let someone mistreat my innocent body. No one but someone who cares about me should ram themselves into me that way…