Toronto Trip Soon

I told myself I wouldn’t be a complainer anymore. That I would write down the stuff that’s bothering me, then come up with several solutions to the problem. Then I was going to come back with the result, and I’d be a happier person.
But you know what, it really is true. We get addicted to our own sadness. It almost feels good, in the sense that its normal, to be sad. I feel tense, not relaxed, if I’m happy for an extended period of time. I need to find a way out of that. And I need to get out of my negative state. Its weird, I feel really safe there. Like I don’t have to try SO hard to be this happy, joyful, successful person. I feel like a big fraud. I was doing really well at my job and everything. Again, now I just feel like a fake that no one likes. I need to change my thought pattern!
Ok here goes. Possible solutions:
WORK
-everything is pretty simple. Assume you know stuff, because you do.
-try to find the answer on your own before asking. I’ll look good if I am independent.
-ask questions to clarify, but not too many. I want to appear competent, not clueless. Too many questions makes u look stupid if the answer is obvious all the time.
-work hard!

TORONTO TRIP

-don’t downgrade yourself. Just because you FEEL like everyone thinks you’re a failure doesn’t mean that a)they do and b) that its remotely close to being true! I am not a failure. Being undecided sucks, but it doesn’t make me a failure!
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-negative comments/putdowns (if they happen) can be ignored? Addressed? Addressed how? I won’t be able to keep my mouth shut, something will have to be said. If its my sister especially. Maybe I’ll just say, “I’m sorry, did you have something important to say?” That should end it pretty quick. So long as my tone isn’t too harsh.
-If I feel strongly about something I have a lot of knowledge about, I’m going to feel ignored. That’s a given! So I need to keep my mouth shut until (if) I’m asked. Then and only then, can I give a gentle, softened version of how I feel. My family thinks that because I’m emotional about something, it means I’ll get violent. Trying to prove my opinion is worth hearing doesn’t serve me any justice.
-have fun, think about ONLY positive things, recognize that they are inevitably going to be fake. Accept it and go with it. It can not be changed!
-all of the above need only apply to: Marlee, Warren, Daddy, Mummy, auntie nancy and uncle eric, my parents friends. And they also apply if the following are in the same building at the moment. Grandma will have to have different rules. But still rules.

I will have to continue this tomorrow!