Should I ask him to hang out?

I am bored. I have lots to do around my house… lots of important things to get done. But I’m very bored! And I’ve noticed a bit of a pattern: when I get bored, I do something stupid and crazy to create drama. So I’ll feel something. It’s always something social. I don’t feel normal without drama.

     So what’s the best and healthiest way to deal with boredom? Sure, start a new hobby… I’ve heard it all before. But really, I need some social interaction. I think this is when I get really grouchy and irritable. I don’t feel like doing anything. Even the thought of accomplishing lots around the house doesn’t seem very satisfying to me…

     Maybe it has to do with the weather. It’s my day off and here I am, sitting in my house alone. With nice new summer clothes, and no one to see them, or spend the weather with.

     I really want to hang out with W, but he’s been avoiding me lots, and I don’t want to play the role of "chaser" because that gives him the power. But he’s so fun to hang out with!

     I really just want a group of friends that I can do things with, but I guess I’ve been passing up a lot of opportunities to hang out lately. So it’s really my fault. But my life has been getting a little out of hand lately. My place is such a mess. And I have so many important things that I need to accomplish.

     I’ve also been a little sad because people are leaving my life, when they just came into it. W was transferred, O is moving, and pretty soon D will be moving too. What I really need is a group of friends outside of work that I really like.

     Is it bad that I have some people that are my friends just because I feel like I can’t do any better? I mean, I seem to always want to be friends with the people that judge me the most, the people that I really shouldn’t be trying to be friends with at all. But I want to fit in so badly, why does it matter to me SO much?
     I’m having a really really hard time with this. Be successful, or have friends? Really? Do I actually have to choose? Or can I learn to separate the two? Even if I do, people are going to hate me for doing my job eventually.
    What if I want both? You know how difficult it is not to make friends with the people you’re working with when they’re the only people you know in the city and you work 50 hours a week? I mean, really…

     What kind of hobby can I get into that will bring about the type of people I want to have in my life? Like healthy, well-grounded people that don’t focus too much on negative things – people that just like to have fun. And not necessarily drinking all the time. I guess that would be athletic people, wouldn’t it? I’m anything but…

     I’m sure I could fit in anywhere that I wanted to. If I worked at it enough. But the group I want to be part of the most is W’s! Should I ask him if he wants to hang out after work today?

    He’s taken to calling me babe as of late… and he’s told me previously that the only other person he ever called that was the girl in his longest relationship. I think we would compliment each other well. But I really would need to work on myself more before I could be in a relationship. I’m sure it could happen someday. But both he and I need to figure out what we want and where we’re going in life.
     I also got him to admit a couple weeks ago that the reason he pulled away the first time was because he was getting attached too. And then we had sex the next day, we hung out with a bunch of people, he acted like we were together or something, and he hasn’t really been talking to me since… I seem to always be the initiator. We used to talk every single day, and we didn’t talk for three days until yesterday.
     We also agreed that for health reasons, we wouldn’t sleep with anyone else and if we did, we’d tell each other about it.

    Hmmm… what to do?