My thoughts when I’m high

I strive on people to maintain a feeling of happiness. more time spent alone means more negative thoughts, they build up and shit.
    Sunsets are beautiful, just like frogs, fish, trees and other really wonderful things. They bring happiness too.
    Everything in the world can change by the change of just one simple thought. Negative to positive.
    The human mind runs very quickly. So many thoughts can not be expressed to any one person because there are just too many. That is what makes us, us. That is what makes us truly alone because that is what we are in the end, alone. Why does it scare people so much, to be alone? It is the curse of a social creature to be that way?
    What if we were more like spiders, or insects? They are very solitary. But is that what defines complexity?
    Why would someone not want to talk philosophically? What is wrong with thinking too much? Well I suppose it breeds negativity.
    Is this the way my mind works, what I am typing right now, does my thought process follow this pattern?
    I still have more words flowing through my head than words on the page, because that is what makes …trailed off there don’t know what I was talking about
    No one will ever know exactly what I was thinking when I wrote this because my thoughts will be flowing too quicklky
    I wish I could hear other people’s thoughts as quickly as they were thinking them. I wish I could know exactly what went through their minds.
    Why is it that I am always so distant from everyone else? Am I really that weird, that I dont’ connect with people quite that well?
    Why am I always so far away from things? It’s almost like I don’t want to know other people for their flaws, so I just avoid the social concept.
    Yes, this is exactly how I think all the time, just more multiplied. I would have to write them down depending on the mood I was in…would pot just be a tool in slowing down my thouights enough so I could understand myself?
    I could do a study on myself…that would be very interesting. But people would think I was completely insane.
    But it would still be very interesting.
    I suppose this is why I can’t fit in with the usual crowd, the stereotypes. Because I think like this. That would make sense.
    I really do think in order to understand Evan and Kyle I had to do this.
    It is true when I say I read into things too much, every thought I have is based on too much thought.
    Like right now…what I’m saying is totally ridiculous! I care too much about too much, Life is really just a lot simpler. The only way I could make it that way is if I let myself not be so complicated about everything, to have less drama and enjoy life for just the very simple things.
    But by not thinking in such detail about the things. I wonder if there is a medication that would make me think less.
    Like just genuinely not care about every little thing…I always include details that don’t matter!

    Okay, so waht if instead of doing my whole plan with the "no thinking about guys for 21 days" thing (because 21 days is the number of days it takes to break a habit), I could start by thinking less thoughts…like for example, when I go for a walk, instead of thinking to myself as I go, "blah blah about home, blah blah about school, blah blah about boys" you get my drift. Because instead, I could just be like, "I’m sitting in this room right now." And that would kind of be my thought. That could totally work. But like I said, in order to change a behaviour, you have to change a thought process. In order to change a thought process, you have to know what is inside a "normal" or "average" brain. And I don’t know what is in an "average" person’s head.<br style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: rgb(0, 0, 0);” />    See? Perfect example right here of thinking too much. This is what I’m like inside my head all the time. The more time I spend alone, the more my thought process resembles the above. When people are around, I am more positive.
    I wish I had been socialized more as a kid, maybe then I wouldn’t be so weird. People get weird when they spend extended periods of time alone. Maybe that’s why i crave a place like rez so much!
    Well, I can see the moon starting to come out, it’s glorious outside, and I want to have a good night tonight! So I have to pack so I can have the rest of the night to myself before my dad comes tomorrow!