My LOVELY Christmas…

Ok, so I guess there was only so much I could expect this xmas to be. Britney told me something that really upset me about Steve. I don’t know if it’s true or not. I would like to think that she’s really just being a good friend. I don’t really know her that well to be honest. I just don’t know. I don’t know, I can’t talk about that right now…that whole thing hurts too much.

     So I spent xmas eve waiting for my dad to call me. I was supposed to go with them to Mark and Patti’s, like we always do every year. But Grandma told me not to call. I called Daddy’s cell phone like 3 times, and I called the house I bunch of times. Well, no one bothered to tell me that my dad’s cell was dead. So the number I was calling was the new cell he didn’t know about yet, which was under the tree, turned off.

     So I missed that part of xmas. I don’t know. I didn’t end up going back home until 11pm xmas eve. I woke up xmas morning, and my brother and sister didn’t even say Hi until I said hi to them. Didn’t hug me or anything. I felt like sh!t. I just don’t know anything anymore. I feel so lost all the time.

     I stayed until the afternoon. I left when Uncle STeve did, because he was going to Grandmas. I felt extremely out of place. I have never in my whole life spent christmas day at Grandmas, and I don’t know anyone there that well, other than Grandma, grandpa Uncle Cam and uncle Steve(yes, I have an Uncle Steve, lol). I don’t know. It was a weird night. Then Auntie Leigh called from Thunder Bay. I tried to talk to her about some stuff, but I didn’t realize that she had people over at her house. I felt like a moron. So I just finished waht I was saying really quickly. I didn’t even get to hear about how she was doing…I just rambled on about myself. I think I just lean on her a lot b/c I really need a mother figure right now. I don’t know. It might be hard on her though, with her depression and all. I just don’t know waht to do! I feel like I can just tell her whatever I want. I feel like I can really trust her, and get some good advice too.

     So, that was my xmas…plus the stuff that Britney told me, which is eating away at me…I just can’t write the whole thing out right now…it burns…you guys will get the story eventually…

     I pray to god that you christmases were better than mine!!! Love you all! (INCLUDING YOU TOO FOREVER BLUE! lol)