I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO BE NORMAL!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

     I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO BE NORMAL!!! I’m so sick of this. I don’t understand how everything could just take one day and all come crashing down!!! And I think Steve really is moving on, and he’s happy with what he’s doing. I’M SO GODDAMN MISERABLE!!! I want him to want me back, but Renee isn’t helping. I can’t believe some of the things she says, especially since we’ve broken up. She just makes me feel like shit.

     I can’t believe I lost something that I had that was so beautiful. I want it all back. I just can’t do this! I want him back, I want to be comforted, I want to be loved. I want him to love me back like he did. It’s so hard when Renee, Steve’s friend of a few years, gets her nose in the middle and says things like, how when I asked her if he was happy, she siad, "happy as a pig in shit." I said, "so what do you think is making him so happy?" and she says, "well, becuase he got to come and see me!" And then she tells me how she knows him better than anyone. It hurts, because she probably does. I can’t talk to him about our relationship, every times I do, he blocks me.

     How did I end up getting so caught up in all this? How did I let myself become so obsessed? Why can’t I JUST BE NORMAL!!! Everyone is so sick of hearing about it, and last night Laz actually got mad. He told me that he refuses to talk to me about Steve anymore. He said I just need to move on.

     My Nanny says I shouldn’t call him mom, but I really want to. I don’t know, I probably shouldn’t…but what do I do? I don’t know anymore.