Bleah

     So everyone in my suite has been sick lately, it sucks. Since our "seventh roomate" decided to stay over when he was sick and puked in our toilet…ugh..since then Steph has been sick and poor Gill has been puking all day. Every twenty minutes or so since 2 am this morning…dude, I feel so bad for her.

     For those of you who don’t know the story, our seventh roomate is Warren, our roomate Krista’s boyfriend. He is here all the time and it annoys us sometimes because he didn’t pay to live here but he takes full advantage all the time. I don’t mind too much, he hasn’t been a dick lately, as a matter of fact we get along pretty well. He’s in my section for forestry too, so I see him all the time. I was just really annoyed when he stayed here puking all day…now everyone is sick, and I will probably be next. I’m not too happy about that.
     Today I had to do a presentation in front of the class. My topic is deforestation of South America, so Warren, Riley and that other dude they always hang out with were holding up signs all through my presentation that say, "tree hugger". I was laughing. I make fun of them all the time because they have funny accents because they are hicks, expecially Riley because his voice cracks all funny sometimes. So they call me a yuppie and a city slicker. It’s all in good fun, I love them.

     So Ryan hasn’t been over here or talked to me since he was over here on Tuesday. I think he’s even scared of being friends with me or something. I know, everyone is going ot say the same thing, that’s it’s a stupid idea to give him a second chance, even as a friend. I really have to start going by what I think, not other people’s opinions. I konw that everyone is going to say that it’s a stupid idea. I’m not freaking out about it, I truly believe what Ryan had to say. I couldn’t tell ya why, but I really believed him. I can’t go by other people’s opinions, I just can’t. Only I was there for all of the conversations we had, only I know exactly how he said everything, etc. I couldn’t tell ya why I believe him, there was really no sketchiness, and I can’t even see a hidden agenda he could possibly have for saying what he said to me. He knows, like, believe me, he KNOWS he’s not getting anything from me sexually. I konw Jen said, "well what about last time". Yes, there was one time that he got my shirt off after I said nothing was going to happen, but that’s besides the point. I believe him. People can say otherwise all they want, I’ve given him a second chance, so far he hasn’t disproved anything he has said to me.

     I asked Steve what his advice to me would be in any future relationship, (this was awhile ago) and he told me to just follow my gut. My gut tells me to believe Ryan, but to proceed with much caution. That is what I am doing.

     I have a confession. Steve got facebook a few days ago, I was looking at it, his girlfriend is on it now as of yesterday. I know I shouldn’t but I have been looking at her picture. I have even looked through Steve’s friends’ facebooks so I can find a better picture of her, I have been obsessing considerably. I even cried a little yesterday. what’ wrong with me? Well, it makes me feel a little better because a few days ago when me and gill were fighting, I was really upset about lots of stuff. he told me that he couldn’t talk at the moment, and if it was important. I told him that no, I was just a little upset and wanted to talk to him, I could talk to him later. He kept bugging me to tell him what was wrong, and I spilled my guts about the ryan thing. He told me that he didn’t feel comfortable talking to me about that, I asked him why not. He said, "well, wouldn’t you feel uncomfortable talking to me about my g/f?" I told him that no, it was different because he aws the one who broke up with me. I told him that he had never really been broken up with. He gave me names of 3 of his g/fs, but I knew the stories of all of them, I told him that it was no comparison. He had never had his whole world shattered by just one person, everything he knew torn away, blah blah blah. He just kind of laughed and wrote that we were going to have a competition, were we? I said yes, let’s! At this point I was feeling a lot better…but looking back on that conversation last night made me feel better. Even though he’s ready for someone else, it still hurts him to hear of me with other people. I think it’s the same for me in a way. So I guess it’s reassuring that him and I really are healing at the same rate. Seeing pictures of her does hurt though. I have only seen her at a distance…I want to see a better one. Maybe it’s better if I don’t. I want Steve to see a picture of Ryan…I really want him to have a moment where he is curious too, but I know that’s not the way he is. He will avoid it.